I found myself in a marriage that was like living as roommates -- splitting the bills and sharing household chores. My STBX disengaged from the family... focused only on herself. When she came home from work, she laid on the couch and watched TV or read a book on her phone or tablet. When kids needed to go to an appointment, she was never available.

After I confronted her with suspicions of TGT, she went out and had an affair with a man. I think she was trying to prove to me, and maybe even herself, that TGT did not apply to her. She loved the adrenaline rush of the betrayal, deceit, and lies! It was fun for her to see what she could get away with. When I intercepted communications between them, they switched to alternate means of communication. It was a cat and mouse game and she really enjoyed the rush of the taboo nature of it all.

After it became clear that she was not willing to work on our marriage I told her it was time for us to go our separate ways and divorce. She agreed wholeheartedly and was really excited about starting a new life without me. She said that she could finally be "free and independent (of me)!" She went on to say that she fell out of love with me 19 years ago and had been going through the motions of life ever since. As time went on her memory of the good was replaced with memories of misery, disappointment, and bitterness.

We are now separated. She has her new place and loves it! She is so excited for her new life. She cleaned me out -- took everything down to splitting the toilet paper rolls we had on hand. She grabbed as much as she absolutely could -- it was like a game to her with her getting the "high score" by taking more value than what she left behind for me.

Now reality is starting to set in. Our children don't want to spend time with her. Our oldest told me "I don't even know where she lives -- why would I want to go see her?" So she has her freedom and independence, not only from me, but from her children as well. I think that she is going to be finding herself wallowing in self-pity and doubt, wondering why she walked away from such a good life. She keeps telling me "Never say never" regarding the possibility of us someday getting back together again. I told her that ship has left port and will never return.

We are now separated and hopefully just a few more weeks away from a divorce. I am much happier already, to the point that people have commented to me that they can see visible changes in me and my demeanor. My therapist exclaimed "You look amazing!" when I went to visit her for what she told me would be my last ever session. She said that I no longer need to see her and that I am doing great.

2020 is a year of clarity and vision. I entered this year on a new path in life and I am very excited for that. It has been a difficult transition. This process has wreaked havoc on my personal finances for sure. I know that I will be much better off alone than to continue living in a toxic relationship with a woman who is incapable of loving me as a wife loves a husband. I understand she loves me in her own way, but that is more of a love as a friend than a romantic love (philos vs. eros if you look at the Greek words for love.)

Going through this process is really difficult and I wish that nobody would ever have to do it in the future. You can get through it, and over time, things really will get better.