Birdsolvig,

You are not a minority..they just want you to think you are.

Its important to have a safe place away from trauma..if you cant move definitely change your locks. Im 3 years out and just only feeling safe from the abuse and trauma. 
Look at commuting to another church.

I think my GID wife enjoyed the control games.  I think she really liked seeing how much she could take from me while making me feel pathetic for not ever being good enough for her.  I think she really liked outwardly comparing herself to the mythology of her parents, and to the family success of her older definitely hetero sister.  The urge to use me and our marriage as a closet-door was the same urge that caused her to get straight A's in high school. 

The question is does this stem from her sexuality?  Did this happen because she is gay or because she is a narcissist?

As for the rapid expansion of trans causes, I may be in the minority too.  A trans man is not a man but a trans man.  A trans woman is not a woman but a trans woman.  No amount of surgery and hormone therapy can possibly make a trans woman into a biological woman.   I have endlessly heard the statistics about trans people being subjected to violence, self doubt, mental health struggles, homelessness, etc...  It all sucks.  It sucks.  Promising trans people the equivalent that Santa Claus is real does not help anyone.  Nobody chooses their birth, and we all must come to terms with things we don't like about ourselves and others.  It is particularly hard for trans people.  It is and that sucks. 
 

I could have written this myself. Except, I am still married to my TG husband (technically living separated but in the same home). We have a 6 year old daughter (turns six in February). His entire family is supporting him and have not ONCE asked how I am with all of this. I am sick and tired of having to see him each and every day, more and more increasing what he dresses in. Tight women yoga pants is the latest. "he" has more makeup and hair products than I do. I live in a small town where everyone runs into everyone and I am heavily involved in my Republican committee therefore I am terrified of anyone running into him. I know I am not doing this but he is a reflection on me unfortunately. I havent seen a therapist because he uses everything against me as it is (wellbutrin, ambien for sleep) I am terrified if I get therapy he will use that against me too. Plus, he has opened an account checking for just himself and took his name off mine. My VERY SMALL paycheck is for sewer and food so I wont have much money left afterwards so either I have money to do things with my daughter or to buy like my medicine and feminine products OR i see a therapist. I just am tired of feeling like everyone is so happy for him while I am falling apart more each and every day

BirdSolveig wrote:

I certainly can understand your feelings about him being celebrated for coming out and your own feelings of being hurt and forgotten.  We live in a strange time.

I think we all feel that way. It’s the lies and abuse that are at the heart of this. There are costs the unknowing beards have had to pay.  It goes beyond being for, neutral or against.  No one is for abuse.

Do whatever your right mind thinks will keep your body and mind safe.  In my experience, people suggest but you wind up doing what you want.

Take care, everyone.

wonderwoman wrote:

Victo wrote:

What is the difference between an honest LGBTQ person and a GID person who marries an unsuspecting straight person?

Theoretically, if society was accepting of LGBTQ experiences, there would be no need for the SSN because nobody would bother living in denial.

HOWEVER, it seems that those who marry straight spouses while in denial are also suffering from severe narcissism. Watching a newly outed narcissist be rewarded for coming out is hard to do - especially since you are a victim of that narcissism. 
 

Victo, I know your pain all too well. I joined this site in March 2018 and have recently wanted to check in on other victims. It is incredibly hard to watch a narcissist be rewarded for being who they always were. They live a life of constant lies and cheating. We live in a society that is very tolerant of gay relationships yet by GID Ex husband married me because he wanted a smoke screen and all the perceived benefits that came with being married to a capable woman. 
What is the most difficult thing is that people fee sorry for HIM. Never mind that he has never apologised or shown any sign of remorse for his actions over 12 years. He does not care about the destruction he has left behind him or the pain and hurt he has caused even when confronted head on with it. He still blames me. That is what is so hard to deal with and makes having any kind of closure difficult. 

I can relate to everyone here. What has help me is talking about it to my family and friends. They understand me and what I'm going through and are very supportive of me. The more I started to open up about it, the better I started to feel. Its soooo heavy to keep a secret especially one that isnt your own.
I kept the secret for so long in fear of being judged and talked about but I learned that those are baseless fears. The only people outside of my GID husband who are in denial are his parents and well...when I file for divorce I have plenty of evidence that will throw that denial right out the window. I used to feel bad about the thought of doing this but then I started to think, why should i be?? Honestly. I didnt ask for this, I didnt create this so I dont need to tip toe around any of this and neither should all of you. The truth shall set you free is VERY REAL! You all deserve love and honesty so dont feel bad about this. Heal, get better, get strong and carry own with life. Way easier said than done but it's all very possible.

E-hugs!