OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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Fiancé is in denial
I discovered by accident that my fiancé is bisexual. He denies it and says it was just a phase he went thru. He was on tons of dating sites listed as bi and after looking at his google history I discovered a lot of gay porn. Even after I confronted him. Still says he’s not gay. Says I just need to forget about it and move on. I’ve tried but I can’t let it go. Help?!?!?!?
- Abby
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Re: Fiancé is in denial
He's right about moving on! Even if he does not want to identify himself as gay actions speak louder than words. He has a desire that you can never satisfy. Is your attraction to men just a phase you are going through? Neither is his. It will always be there and will undermine your marriage.
My personal advice: Unwind that engagement and consider that you dodged a bullet.
And welcome to the club that no one wanted to join.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- MJM017
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Re: Fiancé is in denial
I have a similar experience. I married my late GIDXH before smartphones, apps, widespread internet use. I had no proof he was gay other than a hunch. I found out via social media 5 years ago.
Abby is right, in my opinion. Innate sexual preferences never change or can be changed. Your boyfriend may be trying to be heterosexual due to family pressure. Can you force yourself to be attracted to women if you’re straight?
I hope that you save yourself further misery, and break it off. There are many, many wonderful heterosexual men who would be thrilled to date you. Good luck & best wishes!!
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- HurtAndConfused
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Re: Fiancé is in denial
Run while you can! Dont make the mistake I made. I saw a clue when I was pregnant with my 1st child and here I am with a 2nd child wishing I listened to my gut. I was in denial, thinking things would change but like others have noted, they wont!
Best wishes.
- Rob
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Re: Fiancé is in denial
I can try to help.
Even if I wasnt on this site. As a straight guy and other straight guys i know .would never watch gay porn. Its not normal at all for a straight guy..any straight guy would say yuck, eww.
What you feel is your body and mind teying to protect you.
So sorry..but if you marry him you will forever under anxiety; is he meeting a friend for beer or is it a date? Are they having sex?
So sorry..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Whirligig
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Re: Fiancé is in denial
I would also suggest that the fact that he is being so dismissive of your concerns is a huge red flag regardless of his sexuality. The fact that he just wants you to 'forget' it even though it's important to you isn't a good sign. It indicates he can't discuss problems in a healthy way and doesn't care how you feel about something that's a big deal to you. Even in a straight relationship that's not how you want a significant other to treat you. I would cut your losses as badly as it hurts and get out now. It won't go away.