It's been just over three months since my wife and I decided to divorce. Without a doubt it was the most painful experience I have been through. As time passes the the pain has slowly started to fade.

I just wanted to follow up on here and say thanks to everyone for their initial support that was needed at the beginning of this event. I want to follow up and write down where I'm at in hopes that maybe it helps someone else.

To summarize my situation. My wife and I were married for almost 16 years. During our entire marriage something felt like it was off, but only a little bit. After allowing ourselves to freely think and go through personal reflection and counseling we discovered that my wife was not bisexual as we initially thought, but rather completely homosexual. At which point we decided that it would be in our best interest in the long run to break up. This was particularly difficult because we were pair bonded and we still loved each other deeply. Just certina elements of the attraction were missing (both physical and mental).

The first couple weeks after the decision for divorce were the worst. It now feels a bit like a bad trama that you try to forget. I constantly had things like suicide on my mind and a never ending sense of loneliness and lack of purpose. I still had three boys I needed to take care of full time, which turns out was probably a helpful distraction.

Weeks 3 - 6 were still really rough. At this point she had fully moved in with her girlfriend and were physically intimate together. Going through those steps really severes the emotional connection you had with the person in that way. It hurts like a mother fucker.

Weeks 8 - 10 things started to feel like they were normalizing. I was really starting to focus on myself and my future as well as being there for my kids. I even started to consider what life might be like with someone else. My heart still hurt severely though. Just thinking over the lost love caused physical pain. This made me very leery of even considering loving anyone else in that way.

Weeks 11 - 13 are considerably better. I have been on a couple of dates. I think online dating sucks but sometimes it is a necessary evil (stay away from tinder) in order to maybe find someone. Interaction with my ex is still necessary and in most cases even welcome. We still love each other, but now the love is more of a familial love and not a romantic one. We both still have moments of pain when we remember some of the positive things that we did have, but we always come back to the conclusion that what we have done is for the best. She is actually very happy with her girlfriend and I am happy for them. There is still a slight element of feeling cheated on that I'm working on getting over, but for the most part I don't mind them being together now. I can tell that she is happy that she can live true to her nature, she doesn't flaunt her sexuality around but does not shy away from it in public either. 

Today I am in a pretty good place. There is a girl that i'm chatting with that is fun and bright. I'm in the best shape I have ever been in. I have even taken the time to invest in my understanding of what makes a good relationship and what does not.

Here are my suggestions to people who are just starting this journey:
1. This feeling is only temporary. Know that it is going to hurt and you need to do whatever it takes to get through it. Don't self destruct by coping with alcohol or drugs.
2. Know that suicide is also a normal feeling in this situation. Remember you do have value. Find a new purpose by investing in yourself.
3. Invest in yourself with some of the following
- Learn to be happy. See this video: https://youtu.be/ZizdB0TgAVM If you like it take the course. It really helps. I can't recommend this one enough.
- Learn to be a better partner and person. Here are some great channels for that
Jordan Peterson is an excellent critical thinker and walks people through difficult subjects. After I reach some of my goals I'm going to work to be more like him in conveying thoughts and message. See his page at https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos/featured

Alexander Grace has an excellent page about becoming a high value man or women. It really shines the light on what the opposite sex is looking for and what you need to work on to be better. In addition it helps you see the red flags you need to look for when dating other people. See his page at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeY3vg1r0KrvuyPOi7T39eA

Georga Free (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu3m8kI80rCTg9UAqO0_0bA/videos) and Jennifer Molski (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt44YmXupeOjW8J02aEz77w) are also great for seeing the female perspective on being better people.

- Learn to manage your money and plan for your own retirement. Make sure you are never "stuck" in a bad relationship. Learn to financially depend on yourself. In addition to that make sure your future partner is financially dependent on themselves as well. You don't want anyone feeling "stuck" with you either.

- Go to the gym. You know how this works. Doesn't matter if you need to go there and just walk. Start the habit and build it up. Life will throw curve balls and break your gym routine. I advise you always make gym attendance your system default. Always return to it, it doesn't have to be intense and it helps in 99% of the cases out there. Don't talk yourself out of it with self justification. 

4. On hard days just remember that you don't have to process it all at once. Sometimes you have to take it hour by hour or minute by minute. Many times I struggled to even get out of bed. You can beat this.

5. There is someone out there for you. If love is your thing you can find it again.