I guess everyone’s story is unique and the same. Here’s mine, one I never thought I’d be writing.

Last night my husband of ten years told me he is transgender and that for the last twenty years he has lived a double life as a woman online. He even, somehow, got a credit card in a female name so none of his online friends — all of whom know him as a woman — would ever suspect.

Short version: he was in denial for a long time and just thought of this as a character, he still loved me and is attracted to me and wants to stay married, he has no plans to transition or make outward changes in his life but he wanted me to know the truth so he could stop hiding that portion of his life.

After lurking on this board for a while though I’m afraid that is not the end of the story. As he gets deeper into “the community” (as he already calls it) I’m scared that he’s going to be influenced to make more and deeper changes.

Last night, after googling how to overdose and chatting with a singulalrly unhelpful suicide hotline, I confused in a friend, who was there for me. I lied to my husband about doing this.

In addition to all this, I was already in a pretty dark place. My job is slowly killing me. My husband and I can’t have biological children and we’ve been wait listed for adoption for five years which is a constant emotional roller coaster. My husband had physical and mental health issues so he does not work making me the sole financial provider. And better still we Currently  have A frustrating roommate who is simultaneously a very close friend and very difficult to live with. My husband hasn’t told him this so I’m spending my time hiding from him so he doesn’t ask why I’m crying constantly.

If anyone has words of advice — please. I need them.