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1 - CES
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Do Something For Yourself
After a weekend full of obsessing over the situation with my wife, I decided to make a list of things that are useful in taking my mind off this crap:
-take a walk
-go to church
-get on ssn (gets it out of my system)
-workout
-kid's activities
-clean the kitchen
-organize the garage
-hang with friends
-eat well
-watch a tv show I like
-watch a comedian online
-jiu jitsu
Things that are NOT good to take my mind off things:
-eat junk food
-lay around
-stay up late
-spy on my wife
-mindlessly surf internet
What is everyone's list of do's and don'ts?
- Steve
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
Get a massage
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- CES
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
jkpeace wrote:
CES,
Very constructive thread. Thank you!
I have a counselor who recommended this, if I just need to cry or stay in bed or scream into a pillow or any of those other emotions that can take us into a downward spiral: The counselor said, "If you set a timer to let out those emotions, a little at a time, it can help."
It works for me. If I catch myself in an episode of crying, when I feel like I just can't stop, I look at the clock and tell myself, "I need to stop this, in 20 minutes." Apparently, this lets out just enough grief for the brain to handle, but not too much.
I thought that was a crazy idea. Guess what? It has helped me, immensely.
JK
Nice, I like it! My biggest issue is that I think about it all TOO MUCH, I like the idea of putting a timer to it. It's good to grieve, not good to dwell there too long.
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Thread Starter- Kel
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
Besides putting a timer on it, you can also set a time for it. Thought crops up, you tell yourself, "I'm not doing this now. I'll allow myself 20 minutes at 9 pm. I'm not going to think about this until then." It works!
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Kel
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
Other ideas:
Go to the dog park
Go to the bookstore
Library
Craft store
Make a play list of uplifting songs full of energy
Exercise!
Bike ride
Yoga
Paint your nails (for women, obviously!), or go get a mani/pedi
Clean out the pantry - donate items
Lawn/yard work - gardening is a great release
Shoe shopping!
Look through your community college's offerings and choose a class - even if just for fun
Take up a writing course
Oragami
Sit with the kids and make holiday decorations for the house
Flip through magazines and look for meal or decoration ideas - then plan a project
Clean out your computer
Take a bath with candles and soft music
Change the bed sheets, then take a shower and get in bed
Get some flowers for the kitchen or bedroom
Tape some of your favorite shows so you'll have them to watch when nothing else is on
Get one of those adult coloring books and a big stash of colored pencils - enjoy!
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- CES
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
Other ideas:
Go to the dog park
Go to the bookstore
Library
Craft store
Make a play list of uplifting songs full of energy
Exercise!
Bike ride
Yoga
Paint your nails (for women, obviously!), or go get a mani/pedi
Clean out the pantry - donate items
Lawn/yard work - gardening is a great release
Shoe shopping!
Look through your community college's offerings and choose a class - even if just for fun
Take up a writing course
Oragami
Sit with the kids and make holiday decorations for the house
Flip through magazines and look for meal or decoration ideas - then plan a project
Clean out your computer
Take a bath with candles and soft music
Change the bed sheets, then take a shower and get in bed
Get some flowers for the kitchen or bedroom
Tape some of your favorite shows so you'll have them to watch when nothing else is on
Get one of those adult coloring books and a big stash of colored pencils - enjoy!
Kel
Those are awesome. Going shopping for groceries is also a good one, usually I'm so pissed with that experience I'll forget my other troubles 
- •
Thread Starter- phoenix
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
My favorite thing is to treat myself to a movie at the theater. It takes my mind off of my life for a couple hours. it's relaxing and dark. I don't have to talk to anyone. It's delightful.
Last edited by lostdad (September 19, 2016 11:07 am)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Rob
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
You know i have not been to a movie alone yet..good for you...I dont know why it seems like a social thing that you need someone to go with...but that isn't true.
Its been home projects and car stuff for me..nothing too crazy. Reality is I have no one to tell me no to buying or doing anything now. When we were divorcing and in the same house (my years in hell) I used to go to the library a lot as well as to my family. I recall meeting realtors to look at renting properties thinking I was getting thrown out on the street (untrue). And yeah I'd do crosswords and such to get my mind off her when in the house. To this day though I can still feel selfish for doing anything...it will take some time to recover. Yoga made me feel really selfish...ie..how dare you relax and not be in fight or flight mode. Years it will take me..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- phoenix
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
I'm not going to let it take years for me to get better.
I've already given her 16 years of marriage and couple years of friendship/dating before that. I refuse to give her another 3-4 years of misery or depression or mental issues before I'm ready to restart my life.
I'm making a choice to restart my life now. I'm actively pursuing a fast and amicable divorce. I'm going to take on the stages of grief actively and face them head on. I'm going to eradicate any feelings of guilt or insecurity because I didn't do anything wrong. Heck, I'm starting to believe what I've been told.. I'm a damned superhero for keeping a lesbian happy for 16 years.
I'm going to start looking forward to life again.. life on my own terms.
I will enjoy the following:
Movies by myself
Movies with my kids
walking, riding bike or other physical activity
TV
video games
working on my car
other hobbies
doing anything and everything with my boys (shopping, the park, meals, reading to them, etc..)
ice cream!
talking with old friends and making new friends
the library
painting my house and not caring if she likes the color I pick
being superdad!
taking naps whenever I feel like it (except at work i guess)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- CES
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Re: Do Something For Yourself
I'm not going to let it take years for me to get better.
I've already given her 16 years of marriage and couple years of friendship/dating before that. I refuse to give her another 3-4 years of misery or depression or mental issues before I'm ready to restart my life.
I'm making a choice to restart my life now. I'm actively pursuing a fast and amicable divorce. I'm going to take on the stages of grief actively and face them head on. I'm going to eradicate any feelings of guilt or insecurity because I didn't do anything wrong. Heck, I'm starting to believe what I've been told.. I'm a damned superhero for keeping a lesbian happy for 16 years.
I'm going to start looking forward to life again.. life on my own terms.
I will enjoy the following:
Movies by myself
Movies with my kids
walking, riding bike or other physical activity
TV
video games
working on my car
other hobbies
doing anything and everything with my boys (shopping, the park, meals, reading to them, etc..)
ice cream!
talking with old friends and making new friends
the library
painting my house and not caring if she likes the color I pick
being superdad!
taking naps whenever I feel like it (except at work i guess)
Go for it man!
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Thread Starter