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1 of 1- Totallydonestuck
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Getting out?
I've been browsing around this site for quite awhile now. Too long. I suffered a hospitalization last year and was admitted for 2 mths and on life support for 3 weeks. My chances of survival were very slim. My kids (grown) and my husband were there each day supporting me. The said NO when 2 doctors wanted me removed from life support, I am indeed lucky to be alive. He changed the way he acted towards me and since I was so very sick and he WAS there I figured that I should try to work it out with him just for partnerships sake.., I am not young anymore, in my mid 50's. Maybe try to at least exist with him. Although I still feel and have seen so many bad things over the years and been abused also by him, I figured since my health was in jeopardy and I had no income to. STAY
Well, he never changed completely cause he can't but at least I didn't have to deal with the constant gas lighting and horrible words and belittling he did all the time beforehand. He came back in full force the last month now. Totally being a dick again ..all the time towards me. I'm constantly stressed all over again and constantly on the defense again also. I also let him know during my sickness that stress put me there in many ways I felt. Here we go again. answer me this...How do you get out if you have no money, no job at present , not the best of health and he doesn't want to give you a dime so you can leave...
How do you do that?
Don't ever get use to abuse!
- Totallydonestuck
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Re: Getting out?
I wanted to add that I think Ive completely given up on the idea of new love in my life at my age. IMO way to damaged mentally by this mess of a marriage and although I am Ok physically speaking I feel so old after what has happened to me. 40 years of marriage to feel so completely unloved and useless as a wife has taken its toll. Many people i know told me after the sickness how worried and concerned he was the entire time I was hospitalized but they never would have believed the was he acted beforehand and now once again. He has got so many people under his spell, they don't have a clue as to who he really is and even the ones Ive told still think he is swell because he"d do anything for them!
Don't ever get use to abuse!
- •
Thread Starter- Str8guy
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Re: Getting out?
He can't keep you there. If you have been with him more than four years then you are entitled to alimony. It won't be his say either and court would side with you and he may even have to pay legal fees. If you really want out then your next step is to talk with a lawyer. However, if his job isn't very good then alimony may not be much. Health insurance is another issue as well.
My wife and I are going through the divorce process and I'm doing everything I can to help her get stable on her feet with a good job so we can both be better off financially.
- phoenix
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Re: Getting out?
Totallydonestuck wrote:
he doesn't want to give you a dime so you can leave...
How do you do that?
Welcome to the group! Congrats on fighting through your illness and surviving. I'm so glad you are here with us.
I quoted one thing you said.. I don't know where you live, but in most countries and certainly all of the US states, if you've been married 40 years you legally are entitled to half or close to half of all assets as well part of his income in the form of alimony. I think you should consider meeting with an attorney for a consultation just to ask some questions. You might be surprised what you will learn and it might open some doors for you and perhaps some optimism.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- tbell
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Re: Getting out?
I am a little younger but I felt that same way since he made significantly more money than I did. Little steps get you to the finish line. Reach out to local non-profits that specialize in housing, etc. Most states have great resources to help get back on your feet. Unfortunately, I made about $20 over the income level for help but it sounds like you would qualify. Then get a lawyer and get help for your divorce. The local resources might even be able to help find lawyers willing to reduce their legal fees. Good Luck and glad you made it!
- Abby
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Re: Getting out?
Definitely consult an attorney to learn your rights under the laws where you live. (That four years for alimony is NOT the law everywhere so if anyone else with a short duration marriage is reading this thread don't rely upon it for your situation)
If you have major health issues which prevent you from working find out about any disability benefits you may qualify for. In the United States that means Social Security disability and Supplemental Security Income (SSI). Look into public assistance benefits too.
A good place to get started is a free legal services office. If you are in the U.S. here is a link to the federal program to find the one where you live:
I hope this helps.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.