OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- OJECPOMCO
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Am I obliged to stay?
I mentioned in an earlier post, i was planning on moving out end of July. While i did not mention that i was leaving for good. I told my GH i was going on holidays to my parents. Yesterday i came out to his parents. His father talked to him, he apologized to me. Promised that we would start making love again. After the apology i noted that i would think about it. Below are various reactions to it. We live in Africa - the whole anti-homosexuality thing which i do not buy though. And the sanctity of marriage
My aunt - The marriage is useless. Nothing will come of it. (She has been anti-marriage from day 1)
My mom - Tell them you have agreed to try the marriage again. Then get a job and move away (She doesn't want the marriage to break up. She is also afraid to rumors)
My Father in law - You should agree to the apology because i've talked to my son (He has ego and needs to protect his name). He says all marriages and homes have their fair share of problems.
Me: I would love us to be separated and pick things from there. He needs therapy. Then maybe both of us. I am scared of living my life without love. I do not want to be anybody's second choice. I have become solely depressed in this marriage.
People in MOM, has it worked that he changed from gay to straight? I guess the question is stupid. What options do I have? I have been crying since morning.
- morpheus
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Re: Am I obliged to stay?
If i was in your place, i won't stay. All of your relatives have their right point, but only from their point of view. You will have to live with your own.
I feel disturbed every time i see my ex wife. It would be very hard to see the source of pain everyday. You may talk openly about your doubts with him, if he's a reasonable enough. Maybe that would answer your questions.
- MJM017
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Re: Am I obliged to stay?
I chose not to stay. I thought it was the kindest action to take for both of us. We were both not doing well. For me, life is so much easier without the extra problems he created. For him, he did not have me as an enabler. He had a chance to take responsibility for his life.
Good luck and am thinking good thoughts for you.
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Am I obliged to stay?
OJECPOMCO wrote:
I mentioned in an earlier post, i was planning on moving out.....
People in MOM, has it worked that he changed from gay to straight? I guess the question is stupid. What options do I have? I have been crying since morning.
No r'ship is the same so I can only talk about mine. I learned 2 years ago that my partner wanted to explore his bisexuality more. I said "sure...you'll be doing it without me in your life"
So he backed off, but this left me in a limbo of a r'ship that will never be the same again ....ever. It's now about my survival. I have a good life. And....if...it ever comes to the point I discover he's been dishonest again and actually is seeing/emailing people I've taken a few steps to protect myself, have a core group of family & friends who know what my life is now
This is not how I expected my life to turn out.
KIA KAHA
- lily
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Re: Am I obliged to stay?
Ojecpomco - I like you and your aunt's responses.
I'm not sure why you spoke to his parents about it, but now you have the apology and promise to go with it. your mom says accept the apology and leave later. an alternative is to accept apology but refuse the promise - thank you for apology but you still like men, it is an empty promise. do be careful though, closet gays tend to protect their closet - my advice is just to talk some more with your mom.