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1 of 1- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Baby Shoes
Deleted original. Thanks to those who read this, especially because it was long. It was a cathartic thing for me to have written, yet for several personal reasons, I do not want to not keep it posted now. I guess we all understand how the chaos affects us. I feel a great need to both express--too much!--and also to pull in and not express at all. Without many in-person outlets to express myself, I do use the SSN to work out my feelings and thoughts. Me posting and deleting reflects all of my daily lack of clarity, including lack of clarity of all kinds of boundaries. I hope one day to be more centered again, and appreciate everyone's support.
Last edited by OnMyOwnTwoFeet (August 22, 2019 12:38 pm)
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Baby Shoes
You are not fake at all. And your grief is very real.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It's not fair. It's not your fault.
I am so angry on your behalf. It's so monumentally wrong that we are the ones to bear the consequences for their actions and their choices.
And you should stop cooking dinner for your fake and not sorry soon-to-be-ex-husband.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 21, 2019 12:48 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Baby Shoes
I feel your pain through your words. That empath of a son of yours is worth his weight in gold. He sounds like part of your strength
Warm hugs...On your own two feet 
KIA KAHA
- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Re: Baby Shoes
Ellexhoh and OOHC: thank you for reading that post. I was really having a very hard time grieving my sense of being real even as a mother. I have often said--if not here, then elsewhere--how my husband has "taken things away" from me. My husband has particularly gone after me as a not good-enough-mother, even as he has then capitalized on how proud he is of the children. It has been multi-faceted and pretty thorough--this criticism from him. A bad mother because the children are not "just so," a bad mother because spending too much time with them, etc. Anyhow, I have been mourning how the upset of all of TGT is distancing me from my children, and possibly for a lifetime--when I have actually been a very connected mother--good? bad? I don't know, but I have always been there for my kids, and also given them space to grow. finding the baby shoes was a very tangible thing for me to remind myself that my love and care for them was real, and that this remains as real. And that I was real too, and still am. Thanks again.
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Thread Starter- a_dads_straight_journey
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Re: Baby Shoes
OMOTF - I totally empathize with dealing with a teenagers rage and I too wonder how the relationship will turn out. Solace I received from my therapist was that they rage where it is safest. I hope this is true. It has been almost 6 years since Dday, 5 -1/2 years since we told my son everything, four years since divorce finalization, and six months since remarriage. Only now as he sees certainty does he appear to be calming down. Perhaps it’s maturity, perhaps I’m calmer, but my (current) wife believes the ambiguity of the future is gone and it reduces his anxiety and stress.
(Also, I finally answered your message. I hope it helps).
All the best,
ADSJ