OOHC, I'm not sure if my original intent actually came through in my response. I didn't feel you were attacking the LDS faith. I meant to pay respect to your lived experience while indicating it has not been my own. I have friends who feel as you do and respect their reasons for that. Their feelings and faith (or lack thereof) are their own.

To clarify, I consider my primary relationship to God to be a child of God (Whirligig as an individual) and not as the role of wife and mother. I view marriage as an equal partnership and yes complementary but my understanding of what that means may not be yours (or anyone else's for that matter). Again, that may be because I am still single and also because I never had that dynamic in my family. I argue with men in my family in private and public and never had that unequal dynamic in my church attendance. It certainly doesn't mean it doesn't exist because I know it does. It just doesn't inform my individual faith.

I'm probably still making a hash of my explanation but my original intent was to say that people will twist things in religion to suit their own purpose to justify behavior. And it's easy to do. I think that's actually true whatever faith tradition someone belongs to including those that aren't Christian in nature. A perversion of science, even, can serve that purpose and often does as fewer people belong to organized religions. If someone wants to do mental gymnastics or assign blame to avoid deeper examination of their own behavior and character they will. 

Like OMOTF that idea of agency and responsibility to choose and to treat others as individuals worthy of that same right seems basic to me. He violated Lois's ability to choose for herself. That makes me sad for her and angry with him. He's still excusing himself and blaming his now former faith and because of that many people are giving him a pass. How convenient for him! I feel disgusted with his self-serving letter.

OOHC, I appreciate your perspective on the forums and hope your healing journey is fruitful. Your comments have been helpful for mine. It's hard work doing self-examination but I'm grateful that I am capable of it. My faith has also been a comfort to me in this. I have a complicated relationship with God so this has been a bit of a shock to me, honestly. I hope you have something to give you comfort, whatever that may be, and I am sorry for the terrible pain you've experienced. I hope better days lie ahead for all of us.

Whirligig,
   You didn't make "a hash" of your explanation at all!  I think what you say about people twisting religion to justify their own behavior is exactly right.  A form of "the devil can quote scripture."  
    In fact, after your explanation I thought long and hard about what you'd written in response to that first post of mine, and now think it would have been better for me to focus on my own experience rather than to speak in generalities about women's second class citizenship.
   It is indeed hard work to self-examine.  I try to do it, but am only too aware of how easy it is to justify and rationalize my own position.  I'm often wracked by doubt about my conclusions, and unsure how to tell if what I do conclude can be trusted.  I guess you could say my self-examination also requires examining my self-examination!  I'm not always grateful to be able to do that work, but I do believe it's necessary if I want to hold myself to account, and live an honest life. (And I hope this doesn't make me sound like a self-serving person, and demonstrate self-deception rather than honesty!) 
  

OOHC, I think you are a fine person who is doing the best you can under challenging circumstances. If I may say, your part in this is being honest and trusting. Clues about these spouses true orientation are often subtle to nonexistent during courtship and early marriage.

The onus is on the LGBTQ+ partner pretending to be straight. He should be wracked with guilt, not you.

I’m a lifelong Roman Catholic, with a few lapses. We are losing members by the truckload due to this child abuse scandal. The church hierarchy are like the Ed Smart coming out letter: forced into it. Kind of taking the blame while really kind of not.

I’m not a Mormon, but I know faith can be a great healer. It’s difficult when the faith that sustains you can possibly bring you down too.

Last edited by MJM017 (August 19, 2019 8:31 am)

Maybe the SSN would do it as a blog entry.  Have to think about that.  On My Own Two Feet made some amazing points about the situation, too.

I was too flippant in this post, which I've deleted.  All of this is so sensitive, and I was not considerate of the complexity of everyone's feelings here.  Best to all.

Last edited by OnMyOwnTwoFeet (August 22, 2019 12:29 pm)