broomhilda2 wrote:

Ellexoh_nz, .... I'm still paralyzed....... I look forward to learing more about how you lawyer visit goes!

 

Lawyers visit went well. My new will..will be ready to sign early next year. The old will was like....from the dark ages!! way back from the 1980s. It gave me peace of mind because I'd been thinking...." I could die tomorrow and things would not be representative of my current situation"

Broom....why are you still paralysed?
 

broomhilda2 wrote:

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Broom....why are you still paralysed?

I guess I'm still in shock as to how quickly my life has been turned upside down. I didn't have a plan to leave, my husband supports me, I have a business that can't support me & may have to close up to find a job, I homeschool our son, everything is so incredibly expensive on your own... I've been reading articles & stories about how much the straight spouse ends up struggling after divorce... I'm terrified.

It's been almost 3 years since my partners emailed admission of wanting to 'explore' with men. I wish (with all my being) that I had left him 3 years ago. But I didn't...couldn't imagine/thought we could fix this. Hah! No way! Slowly I've gathered myself, strengthened my resolve that if nothing's going to change why stay? I stay because I won't know the next stepping stone til it appears in front of me. We're in a 1 bedroom apartment and he's slept on the couch for a  couple of weeks now....and seems to think it's up to me to fix us. 
I'm terrified too. Of losing the easy contact I have with family, of being somewhere new and not being able to afford the life I have now....he is the breadwinner, life is easy.

Broom....don't think you have to make decisions quickly. Mistakes are often made in haste. The last 3 years I found my thoughts....especially at night....raced at 90 miles a minute, usually with visions of my future without all this godawful stress. But my emotions were still back behind me remembering 35 years, 2 kids, 3 businesses, trips, laughs, memories. I was focused on The Loss. It was like a set of scales and unevenly  weighted in the Memory/Nostalgia side
These days the scales are almost level with each other. 

broomhilda2 wrote:

Ugh. This is so me right now... 6 years post-reveal with a recent blow-up last October. He's been sharing my son's bunkbed since then.
Ah. I wasn't aware of the 6 years.So you actually are doing this carefuly & thoughtfully
The memories & nostalgia are hard. Today, I was even wondering if I could try to hang on a bit longer. I feel like I've f'd everything up and don't even know what step I should take next.
When you think "should I hold on a bit longer?" ask yourself why you should. 
 I have; however, made an appointment with 2 different counselors. One is for me and the other is for my business. I need to get some clarity.
Talking with professionals is good, but I found having family & friends, who I'd confided in about the situation....as sounding boards was as important
He actually sent this to me the other day and I just keep wondering why the heck he'd think this was enticing to me in any way.... "As far as our future together, I think we can have a close emotional relationship after some work with a counselor.  After doing some reading I have learned that we have very different "languages of love".  I show my love through acts of service and giving gifts, while you would like to receive love through quality time and physical touch.  Neither of these are wrong, just different.  I think if we can acknowledge our differences we will be better able to appreciate and fulfill each other's needs.  Making sacrifices and compromises is part of being in a relationship, if neither of us are willing to make them then our relationship won't work.  We both need to establish some boundaries and be clear on what is and is not okay going forward.  I think we've both let things go that we aren't comfortable with and it's created resentment and tension in our relationship".
Haha...this  sounds like my partner. They see it TOTALLY different than we do. Do you say to him "sex isn't going to fix this....why do you think it will!" When he says "we both need to establish boundaries" do you tell him,adamant, ...that you've decided what your boundaries are already? and that they will never  change
Is wanting physical touch & quality time usually something that needs compromise? I think not.
Thanks for listening. I'm following your story and hope mine will make some positive progress too
 

I'm still waiting to open a conversation about how we;re both wasting each others lives. It's very strange...life carries on, normal day to day goings-on, discussing the world news, eating together, walking....but I feel so empty. 
I don't want to end up an empty vessel and have nothing left to give anybody else

Elle

 

I'm just back from 2 days away with my sister. The best thing about being away from home, now, is the lack of emotional distress I have....that I used to suffer when I was away overnight about where is he? who is he with? what is he doing? Because it truly doesn't matter anymore. 

My heart, which for the last 10 years has been langishing back in our wonderful past with all the memories and good times....has almost caught up with my head, because I know to survive I can no longer accept living like this
 

Doctor yesterday to get his signed note..then 
WINZ today to hand over that note and to talk about the options I have for moving....then 
Lawyer tomorrow to sign my will and to talk about separation

I can no longer stop moving forward. There's no going back. I have no interest in talking to him about this and 
he has no confidence in himself to discuss it with me. I'm so disappointed in the depth of his lack of response