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    August 8, 2019 4:19 pm  #11

    MJM017
    Member

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    Re: Shared Fault?

    Hugs to you. It's a difficult situation. .I felt guilty after my GIDXH died so soon after our divorce. He had a congenital condition and he never followed doctor's orders.   I could be wrong here, but do you feel guilty for wanting to bail with all these tough issues he is dealing with?

    I was helped greatly by OMOTF's (big TY & hugs to you!!) suggestion to read Bancroft Lundy's Why Does He Do That?   My GIDXH gave the reason for his horrible abuse of me as being was so angry & confused by his childhood sexual abuse. It was a natural reaction. I should understand that.

    Lundy asks if it's a natural reaction, why is it just you he abuses, gaslights, etc.?  He would do this to friends, family and coworkers at some point. He didn't.

    Do you love him, SS? The answer for me, which was no, was the reason I separated from him. I was done with him. .

     

    Last edited by MJM017 (August 8, 2019 5:03 pm)

    No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
     

    August 8, 2019 5:18 pm  #12

    StraightSpouse1979
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    Re: Shared Fault?

    OOHC 
    That is exactly correct and what hurts me the most is that I see the progression, the i would never to the that is what I do now but wont ever go further. 
    The lie he told his aunt and myself that he denied telling me (gas lighting) was that when he went to Virginia 7/3/19-7/5/19 (came home early as I wanted him home on Sunday night) that he wanted to come home because he missed us but also because they dressed too much for him and that he realizes he wont go any further than he is now and also that he will cut back some. Then he comes home in tight ass shorts with rips in them that he got from his female cousin Jamie, they were hers. When i said what his idea of stepping down some was he told me he never said that. But, when i talked to his aunt she told me that is exactly what he told her. But then he doesnt know why I dont believe him

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