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August 12, 2019 7:53 pm  #11

Re: My stupid plan

Trance, You are doing what you believe is best for you in this situation. That’s what we all want though the ways to get there are different for each.

I support you. Thinking good thoughts and hoping all works out for you.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

August 13, 2019 1:07 pm  #12

Re: My stupid plan

Trance, just in case you don't know this is called a mixed orientation marriage.  You can find some support groups online I can recommend yahoo groups has MMOMW.  Good luck to you


August 13, 2019 8:01 pm  #13

Re: My stupid plan

Trance90 wrote:

..... I was afraid to post this because I am sure you guys who gave wonderful advice will say I’m nuts but I had to share.

We're all nuts at some point. The forum is here for you. Go well, it's your path after all

KIA KAHA                       

August 14, 2019 6:20 am  #14

Re: My stupid plan

Trance, i'm really happy you both decided not to break. I'm proud of you and your decision to let her do what she has to do - find herself - without forcing her to choose. We are all different and your spouse's situation may differ from all others stories.
If it's good for both of you, then everybody is happy.
Good luck, i hope both of you will find your's own happiness.

Last edited by morpheus (August 14, 2019 9:57 am)


April 13, 2020 3:19 pm  #15

Re: My stupid plan

Trance, How are things going now?


April 18, 2020 6:47 pm  #16

Re: My stupid plan

Trance90 wrote:

Since I found my wife’s texts with her new friend saying she needs to have sex with her to see if this gay thing is for her. She has no idea I know about this or even her friend. I am going to let this play out between them so then I will have an idea if this is an experiment or for real. Each night I have to stay up longer than her to get her phone so I know where in this damn farce I am. Waiting for her tell me to visit my friend for the weekend so I will be out of the way. What shit this is.

There are things for which you cannot unsee after you have seen them. These things can haunt you. Be careful in this process. I pulled down the text messages my wife exchanged and e-mail threads and when I think about it now, I wish I would not have read through all that. Each one was like another knife stabbing me in my soul and caused me more pain and suffering than I needed to endure. Once I knew that she had betrayed me I truly didn't need to know any more. No amount of additional detail made me feel any better. On the contrary, it reinforced the sense of betrayal and brought to light the incessant lying and deceit that she took part in day after day, month after month. I learned that all through our marriage counseling she was still seeing her lover and not trying to reconcile at all. She was just biding her time until I would end things on my own.

I would agree with the others who suggest that you talk to her and say that you know things are off and ask what is going on. The level of honesty and transparency that she demonstrates will be a good litmus test for how things are going to proceed.

Knowing what you already know, what are your thoughts on how you would like to proceed?

Do you trust her?

Do you want to be with her if she is secretly trying to have sexual relationships with women?

Would you feel any different if you knew that she was trying to have sexual relationships with men?


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