OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- walkbymyself
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Re: When people compare this to regular infidelity, I get so mad.
i'm sure ordinary infidelity is painful, but in our situation there's the added pain of knowing that we have been used, to provide cover, so that some coward can live one public life and an entirely different private life ... in an era in which other people facing the same choice have done the right thing and told their own parents, their bosses, their friends, that they are gay and would like to live openly gay. My husband used me because he wanted the respectability of being "straight". My husband used me because in the sick subculture he inhabits, being able to call yourself "bi" makes you "more of a man" than being gay; I saw him boasting in his texts about how he was satisfying his wife in bed ... when in reality he hasn't touched me in two decades.
No it is not the same thing. There are many shared aspects, but there are differences.
- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Re: When people compare this to regular infidelity, I get so mad.
Not sure if I have said this here before:
For the straight spouse, “infidelity” also can include what others would call fidelity. That is, If you have a gay-in-denial spouse, and they insist they want to stay married to you—and they deny the truth—this is them not really choosing YOU, but choosing their closet. They are having an affair with their closet. They might be married to you, but they are continuing to use you. Infidelity is when the loyalty is not really to you, not caring about you. If a gay spouse denies us reality, or does not show they value us as people who deserve to know the truth about our own lives, this is not respect. It is not love. It is lying. They might technically be married and not even having an affair—but they are not intimate with us in the true sense of the word. They are not valuing us.
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