Hi, this is my first post. From reading some of the  other posts, I'm already grateful not to feel so alone.

I walked out on my husband of 24 years a few months ago. We'd been together since high school. We have a 10 year-old child together.

When my husband started exploring his gender a few years ago, I tried really hard to support him in finding his identity. I read loads of books and articles on other couples who stayed together and was convinced that if anyone could make it, we would. We went shopping together and I bought him gifts of make-up, jewellery and women's clothes including underwear. I tried reversing roles in the bedroom.

As time went on I became increasingly uncomfortable with the changes in our relationship and my husband's appearance. I made an appointment with a therapist because I was starting to worry that I'd reach a point where I could go no further.

As I was going further and further outside my comfort zone, my husband met any requests to talk with anger, silence, twisting my words or with accusations of interrogating, threats to leave, or by packing everything away into the garage (only for it to reappear a few months/weeks/days later), denial... It would take me days to get the courage to try to talk to him and find the least-worst time. We never had a proper discussion about the effects on our marriage and even though I'd often ask how he was doing or felt about a certain situation which he was happy to talk about, he never once asked me how I was doing, what I thought or what I needed. Not once. Though he did often ask "do I look good for you?" I never found a good answer to that question.
He kept telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, how happy I made him, buying me gifts. But I didn't feel loved.

Everything he said he wouldn't do, he just went ahead within weeks. Like wearing dresses and makeup in front of our child with no discussion first, telling our child that they have to keep this a secret, wearing women's clothing out places where we saw my work colleagues, using women's changing rooms in shops...

I put myself under huge pressure to support him, I thought it was what a loving partner should do. Anything less would be unkind or transphobic.
Our child and I were living walking on eggshells, the slightest thing would set off a temper tantrum or threats of violence that were 'jokes' and we had "no sense of humour' or were "oversensitive".

My therapist started asking questions about our relationship and talking about narcissism. I started asking close friends if they ever felt scared of their husbands. It took me another year to really understand that whether he was transgender or not wasn't the real issue, it was just the last straw.
He refused to get help for his temper, gender confusion or for our marriage.

I left with our child.

She is now freely exploring her gender and it's clear that she isn't "just a crossdresser" like she insisted (and I never believed). She is now talking about transitioning.

Months down the road, my problem is that I don't seem to be able to get properly separated. We live some miles apart so I have my own space but we are still co-parenting so going no contact isn't an option. We are trying to be friends for our child's sake. I am trying low contact and grey rock but it results in cries of being ignored or lonely or needing help with something or demanding to know why I'm in a bad mood.
I'm just too nice. What a sucker! I'm also scared of triggering her temper, after all, I'm the bad guy who left.

I'm also really worried for our child who has been put in the position of keeping such a big secret. How are they going to feel if they accidentally out their dad to the family who are extremely conservative? No child should feel responsible for the relationship between other family members.

Our child cries at night because they miss their home and their Dad who is so "lonely and sad" and is "trying to be nice and just wants to be a family again" and "it's all your fault because you left Dad. I hate my life and I hate you".
Poor kid.

Sometimes I feel so lonely. He was my childhood sweetheart and (I believed) best friend. Now all I have left is a moody, nail varnish obsessed, too short skirt wearing, other woman who my husband is in love with, who is living in my home. And I can't tell anyone.