Whirligig wrote:

I have a lot of compassion and understanding. I've been angry a lot lately though because I'm tired of using those qualities to come up with excuses for why it's okay for people to hurt me. Or allowing others to use those good qualities against me.

What that means for me is that I have to enforce a minimum standard of personal responsibility for people I allow in my life if they want to stay in my life. My acceptance of someone's experiences is no longer tied up in acceptance of their behavior. Otherwise known as boundaries. I'm still working on those.

I am fed up with people using me due to my compassion and understanding. For me, understanding of possible reasons behind the subferfuge is for me to forgive to move forward, away from this person and heal. I don't ever want to see or talk to you again. I don't trust you.

If you admit to me the whole truth of what you did, I might, maybe consider speaking to you on occasion The effort belongs solely to you. Again, don't trust you and never will.

Yes, Whirligig, imperative to watch for red flags, stand up for yourself and set firm and consistent boundaries. IME, 50% of people are willing to lie to gain something they would not if they were honest. 25% of those back down if I push back/call them out. The remainder, tell me more word salad. They blame me for their shenanigans. I think -- Leave and happy never to see you again.

Seeing the layers of societal pressure towards being heterosexual (coming from outside the person) helps me forgive, forget this guy and move on. I won't forget what came from within him was his choice to hurt and control me. 

Again, have dealt with these issues for at least four years. For first few years, I did what this person advocates. I figured it out on my own.  I'm not a follower of her, bought books, attended seminars, but she has some useful free insights into dealing with users:

https://lovefraud.com/what-to-do-with-your-anger-at-the-sociopath/

Last edited by MJM017 (July 12, 2019 6:43 am)