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June 30, 2019 9:22 pm  #1


Annoyed and processing

Ugh... had my first post separation conversation with GID husband a few days ago.  He wanted to tell me that he realized he's been wrong and wanted to take responsibility for the lack of intimacy for the last 5 years or so.

He then laid out all of the reasons: I was depressed (true), I watched too much TV, I wasn't interesting, I hadn't been working. I wasn't X, I didn't do Y, and I did Z.  

Are you kidding me?  OK, so I spent years building a career and when I left I didn't exactly have a plan.  It did put me in a bit of a tailspin, but frankly I could afford some time to figure out what my next steps were.  Then the death of a parent and a few suicide attempts by my youngest daughter derailed me even more.

So... THAT's why he never initiated anything?  Because It's all my fault and he's man enough now to admit he should have communicated more?  And what about the years before that?  I'm just really pissed that he's laying this out so he gets credit for accepting responsibility but it's all my fault.

I just needed to get this out there so I can hopefully sleep and not keep replaying this tonight.

My favorite part was when he said there were times we were laying in bed and he thought maybe we would have sex, but I eventually got out of bed.  I had to point out the number of times I initiated and was rejected taught me not to initiate.  What did he think was going to happen?  

OK, I might be a little more pissed off than I originally thought.

 

June 30, 2019 10:13 pm  #2


Re: Annoyed and processing

k8k,
What else can I say but he is lying through his teeth. Pure manipulation. It sounds like a divorce is imminent or some financial asset separation may be going on soon? I dunno, but this sounds like an opening volley to get more assets than he is entitled to. Gaslight and plunder.

I could be wrong here. Be careful though. Don't talk to him if you don't have to. Email only is best in these situations, IMHO.

Been there and been blamed. Not my fault and not yours one iota. Hugs and wishing a refreshing, restful sleep.
 

 

June 30, 2019 10:28 pm  #3


Re: Annoyed and processing

Of course it's not your fault.  They are the masters of blameshifting.  

 

 

July 1, 2019 7:15 am  #4


Re: Annoyed and processing

Thanks MJM and OOHC.  I basically took and dump on this page (left my stinky shit out there), read some Amity, and slept like a rock.  I am SO THANKFUL for this community.

Love to all

     Thread Starter
 

July 9, 2019 9:56 am  #5


Re: Annoyed and processing

You are in the same boat as I am sort of.  GID husband told me the other night that we had had sex (twice since October of last year), it just wasn't as much as I wanted or on my terms.  Ummm yeah, it's my number one emotional need.  

It would be laughable if we heard this on a TV show etc, but unfortunately it's our real life and so incredibly painful.

I'm sorry you're here. 

 

July 10, 2019 10:53 am  #6


Re: Annoyed and processing

I'm sorry we're all here, but incredibly grateful for "here".  One thing that helps me is to find what I'm grateful for.  I am grateful I'm older, because if this happened to me 20 years ago it would have been much more difficult for me to process emotionally.  Sounds weird, right?  But I've had so much time to come to this conclusion without solid evidence, I feel like I've been in mourning for this marriage for years.  For me, this later in life maturity comes with the conviction that I know my own mind.  I'm still annoyed and processing though.  

Another (incredibly small) thing I'm grateful for is the ability to stop searching for shit before bedtime!  Baby steps but I sleep.

Love to all


My turn
 

July 10, 2019 1:20 pm  #7


Re: Annoyed and processing

ClairUnderwood wrote:

I'm sorry we're all here, but incredibly grateful for "here".  One thing that helps me is to find what I'm grateful for.  I am grateful I'm older, because if this happened to me 20 years ago it would have been much more difficult for me to process emotionally.  Sounds weird, right?  But I've had so much time to come to this conclusion without solid evidence, I feel like I've been in mourning for this marriage for years.  For me, this later in life maturity comes with the conviction that I know my own mind.  I'm still annoyed and processing though.  

Another (incredibly small) thing I'm grateful for is the ability to stop searching for shit before bedtime!  Baby steps but I sleep.

Love to all

My late GIDXH passed away last year and I've come back to combing the internet on him and his lies. I couldn't until these past few months. It doesn't sting any longer.

I am grateful for my hair to be growing back after a lot of it falling out due to stress. I am grateful he is gone.

I'm also grateful for the information the internet has given me to get out of the marriage three years ago. There's a lot of railing against social media and the internet. If not for that, I'd never would have the evidence to kick him to the curb. 

Last edited by MJM017 (July 10, 2019 1:22 pm)

 

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