What do you mean when you say this has been your life for the past 3 years?  Has he made such requests before?  What has your response to him been?  Have you bought him these things, as he's requested?

You DON'T have to go along with his agenda.  This is not what you signed up for.

Kel

Well this Halloween will be three years. He first told me after we had been married for 5 years. He said he dressed up as female vampire for Halloween once. Then he told me he dressed as a woman to go out at night. He told me he was a cross dresser and that he loved me so much that he felt closer to me in my clothes. Then he told me he identifies as a women and is a lesbian. Two months latter he left for 9 months for work. I was totally freaked out. When he returned we didn't talk about it much because he had to leave again for 2 months. When he came home i saw selfies he took with make up on. The only thing i asked of him was to not do it behind my back so maybe we grow together but he still did it.I have bought him things but now that he tells me he is a woman trapped in a mans body things are changing in me. Im straight thats all there is to it. He shaves most of his body hair off. No longer lifts weights. His body is changing and he says he's not taking anything. I'm starting to see him more womanly and Im not attracted to that. I love him and hate this so much all at the same time. Then I feel so guilty for hating it. I won't buy it and thats just that, I have not ever talked about it with anyone I kinda feel like I am betraying him. I didn't plan for my day to go this way when I woke up this morning but here I am. I've never reached out for anything but I am now. 

My lezex did not ask me to buy her dildos...those just showed up in the mail addressed to her all the time.

The arrogance can  astound even the most caring and accepting spouse.

it's frightening when you first reach out to others.  why? because now it is outside yourself and you are facing up to the reality of your marriage.  So take it easy and be kind to yourself at all times - you've just taken a brave step and when time has rolled on, your older self will thank your current self for it.

I agree with you - straight is straight.  And the truth of the matter is straight needs straight, we don't do well married to anything other than straight.  The person you married looked like a straight man but he fooled you - he isn't.  It is good that he is being honest now is what I'd like to say but he isn't being honest - he must have been engaged with other people talking transgender issues for a long time before saying anything to you about it - I agree with the poster who said he is grooming you - from the stories I've heard on here this is not going anywhere good for you.

wishing you lots of good luck.  find friends and people to support you.  all the best, Lily

Hi Christina.  How are you doing?

I've been thinking about your situation.  And it's clear to me that by telling you about his past dressing up and asking you in a joking way to buy him a push-up bra that what he's hoping you'll do/say is "Ummm, okay - if that's what you want".  Then he'll do the whole "Really?  I mean.... I don't want to make you uncomfortable.  But this would be a fun thing to explore together", etc.  Many people (it seems to me) are reeling when they hear of all these changes, and they are scared of losing the person they love.  So they do a "Hail Mary" pass, thinking that you can change your mind later and that this is just a little thing.  But that couldn't be further from the truth.  In essence, he's trying to open the door and your foot is on the other side.  He just wants you to move your foot enough to let him get his shoulder in.  Because after that, he knows he'll be able to keeps pushing until he's all the way through that door.  And if you at some point tell him that you don't like this, he's GOING to say that he did this all with your permission and he didn't hide it from you.  He's going to try to twist this so that you'll let him go to a place where he'll claim he cannot return from.

Take a look down the road.  What's down there if you keep letting him do little things?  Those little things add up to something big - something very different from where you are now.  We let those changes happen because we're afraid of losing what we have, but we don't realize that what we're essentially doing is letting someone take more and more steps away from us - with our permission.  Hell, if he's gonna plow over you, don't give him permission to do so.  Then it's YOUR fault that you stood in front of the grill when he kept revving the engine.  He's obviously plowing forward without your permission, anyway.  He's already shaving and probably taking hormones and wearing makeup.  The clothing is next, and he's hoping that you'll just give in one day.

The next time he tried to "joke" with me about buying him something frilly, I think I'd just look him dead in the eye and say, "You KEEP saying this stuff, and I keep trying not to react.  I have NO.INTENTION of giving you permission to become a female when I married a man.  If you're gonna do it, then do it - stop trying to persuade me.  I'm not onboard.  The next time you mention something like this, there's going to be a shitstorm.  Expect it."  Then drive off for a few hours.

Nothing's going to stop this, though.  You're straight and he's wanting to become a woman, which would make you in a lesbian relationship.  That's where this road leads.  Or worse - it leads to him later telling you that now that he's a woman, he wants to be with a man.  Either ending is really unreasonable for you.  Neither is a place you want to be.  I'd cut your losses and run.  This isn't what you signed up for.  Stand at that "Y" in the road and make it clear that by choosing these things, he's walking away from you.  That you don't intend to follow.  Tell him that if he thinks time will help, it won't.  You're drawing the line in the sand and if he goes in that direction, you're not even standing still - you're headed down the other arm of the Y.  Enough fucking around.