So I posted the other day about my husband  coming out. I want to lay the whole story out and see what everybody thinks. About two years ago my husband confided in me that he was sexually abused as a child from the ages of seven to eight by his babysitter.  At the time I of course offered support, I held him while he cried and I asked him if he had ever mention this to anybody else? I am the only one,to this day,that he confided in.  I told him that he should get some help and maybe talk to someone. Time went on,nothing really changed in our relationship, I asked him a couple questions,he avoided the topic, didn’t wanna talk about it,always wanted to put on the back burner. So the other night when he told me that he was gay I said why now? why are you telling me now, what’s changed? He said he didn’t know... maybe telling me about the abuse, maybe because for so many years he’s hated himself. Never really liked his childhood. My mother in law did her best but ended up marrying my husbands step dad(which is really the only dad he knows) they had my sister in law and his father showed  blatant favoritism to the his biological daughter. She divorced him when my husband got older and could start to notice the favoritisms.  I asked him how he knows he’s gay. Of course, he said how do you know your straight? He cried for hours, more then me even! He does not want this life but has hated himself for so long he finally told me because he thinks he can be better to me and the girls if he liked himself more. He says that I’m his person and can’t image us not being together and raising our kids. I asked him if he was attracted to men and he said sometimes and then I asked if he was attracted to women and he said sometimes. He commented that   “hell, maybe I’m bi, who knows”... the thing is he doesn’t want things to change. He loves our girls and they are actually really close to their Dad. He is an awesome father and has always been very good to me. To good sometimes maybe that’s why this is so hard. Last night he came home from work shaking and in tears and said that he just had a really tough day and didn’t want to be the way he is. He has started counseling and told me that they are starting with the abuse first. I’m still very angry and I need answers but feel this could take years. I asked him if he has acted on any of his thoughts and he said no, I asked him if I needed to get tested and he said absolutely not. I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for. My heart breaks that he’s never liked himself, hated his childhood etc. I just want answers. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on and I’ve learned that there is by far more stuff out there for the gay community. I don’t think either one of use will be okay for a while but it truly pisses me off that when all is said and done that he will find HIS peace and a new partner and I’m just left picking up my life. I’m sorry but the fucking first rainbow shirt or car freshener I see hanging from a rear view mirror and I will lose it all over again. #sorrynotsorry,