Dear Stuck,
    Glad you found us; I hope we can help support you.  We know what it's like to be in a marriage with someone who can never love you the way your spouse should love you, and the way that you have yearned to love your spouse.

    I'm going to take two things you said and put them side by side, then ask you a question:

"...silent depression and anger. There are moments of possibility but then it just disappears like dust in the wind. It has become so bad that my daughter who is almost 18 is telling me to move out."

I am having a very hard time coming to grips with giving up everything I have worked for, for the last 25 years.

Here's the question: Is what you've worked for, for the last 25 years, hope for a relationship, that crumbles like "dust in the wind"? Is what you've worked for "depression" and "anger"?  I'm betting it's not.  Yet that's the blighted harvest of all your labor, and the rotten fruit of your marriage.  A marriage that has so beaten you down that even your 18 year old daughter is begging you to save yourself and leave.

  We all understand this feeling, that you've put in so much time, and worked so hard, that to give up now feels impossible (aka "sunk costs").  I stayed in my marriage 35 years, and although I only knew about my then-husband's sexuality for three of those, there were problems throughout the marriage, problems I was only too willing to believe I was the source of--until I found out that the problem wasn't me, it was that I was trying to love a man who was unable to love me as a husband.
   
    You say you think you have no choice because of financial reasons.  I urge you to consult a lawyer to find out what you might be entitled to, or what options you might have.  You may find that the situation is not as dire as you think it is.  It's always best to plan when you have information, and seeing a lawyer doesn't obligate you to anything--it's just to gather information.  

  One thing I can say is that it's not always the case that buying is better than renting.  I had my now-ex buy me out of the house, and I rent.  I was lucky to find a very good situation, and have an excellent living situation in an apartment for which I pay a very reasonable rent.  My ex, who bought me out of the house for a very low price, pays more each month than I do, and he is also pressed to find the money for taxes, insurance,repairs and upkeep.  It's tempting to compare only a house payment with a rental one, but if you add in all those other expenses, owning a house is not cheaper, and it also isn't always the case that you will come out the other side on the plus side of the ledger.  I figure that over the years we lived in the house, I put in almost exactly the same amount of money in just for repairs that I got out of the house!  The amount we paid on the mortgage turned out to be, essentially, just the same as if we'd been paying rent: I didn't get any of that (and our house was paid off).  If I'd been renting for the 28 years we lived there, I could have taken inheritance I put into the house for repairs and invested it, and would have triple what I emerged from the sale with.  And, I'm sorry to say, this is also pretty much the same thing I can say about my marriage!  If I'd divorced him a long time ago, I would have had triple the happiness and peace of mind.