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June 13, 2019 7:19 am  #11


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Hey "Beard Boy", 
   You're on Chump Lady today!  Her answer is spot-on, too.  Every one of us should read it.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (June 13, 2019 7:28 am)

 

June 13, 2019 8:56 pm  #12


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Your situation sounds similar to what I experienced.  In my case the splitting hairs re lesbian and bisexual was said just to give me a little hope while she carried on with affair and they decided how they were going to exit the marriages.

Be alert about being manipulated and think carefully about what your needs are and if they are being met.

 

June 15, 2019 5:12 am  #13


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

BB,

I hope you don't mind...here is your chump lady reply;
https://www.chumplady.com/2019/06/dear-chump-lady-my-wife-cheated-with-a-woman/


I gotta say as someone who's been out of this for years chump lady's reply is so very very helpful in bringing clarity and reality to all this.  Wish I had written her back then as my GX blamed me for everything..  And like chump lady said it was the poor me story when my lawyer said no..

Sometimes I think we need a third party like chump lady to hit us on the head and wake us up and bring us back to real reality.  These spouses are crappy and hurtful and wrong..

Good luck,  you are doing fine, keep building your support system and taking care of those kids.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

June 15, 2019 3:07 pm  #14


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

In my experience some women who are on the bisexual spectrum have a ‘habit’ of wanting to change their sexual orientation to suit their present situation.

If they are with a man they might call themselves ‘straight’. If they are single or playing both sides of the field they might call themselves ‘bisexual’. And if they are dating another woman they might call themselves a ‘lesbian’ because there’s a lot of kudos in the lesbian world to be ‘pure’ lesbian.

Some people generously call this ‘fluidity’. I call it ‘orientation convenience’.

My ex-wife was straight... so I thought... for the 16 years we were married. She even said so. In spite of 16 years of sex (and plenty of orgasms on her part) suddenly she was lesbian.  Me: “huh?!?”  Hello TGT

After several failed lesbian relationships she now doesn’t want to be with anyone. Guess what she now claims her sexual orientation is??  Asexual!!

See what I mean by ‘orientation convenience’?

My take:  She was, is and always will be bisexual. Whether she’s with a man, a woman or alone she is simply bisexual.

I know that she is ‘entitled’ (apparently) to choose whatever sexual orientation she wants to be on any given day but I’m a simple man with a tendency to believe that leopards don’t change their spots.

Last edited by Steve (June 15, 2019 3:16 pm)


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

June 15, 2019 6:59 pm  #15


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Steve wrote:

Some people generously call this ‘fluidity’. I call it ‘orientation convenience’.
.....
I know that she is ‘entitled’ (apparently) to choose whatever sexual orientation she wants to be on any given day but I’m a simple man with a tendency to believe that leopards don’t change their spots.

LOL!  Thanks Simple Steve!  I loved this!  I love the "I'm a simple man" because it just shows how really hard it is when we try to work through the whole "huh?!"  That our spouses control the definition, meaning they can change it or whatever, makes it especially hard.  I am going to try to find the Simple Man version of things more!

 

June 30, 2019 1:19 pm  #16


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Chump Lady nailed it. She gave me the name “Beard Boy” when I told her to summon her creative muse for a name for me.

I also encourage you to read through the lengthy comments. The Chump Nation has some great insights and a sharp sense of humor.

I thanked her, and she gave me some more great and brief advice. “Hang in there.  Do the hard things.  Life is so much better on the other side of a fucktwit.”

     Thread Starter
 

June 30, 2019 4:11 pm  #17


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Blue Bear wrote:

Chump Lady nailed it. She gave me the name “Beard Boy” when I told her to summon her creative muse for a name for me.
I also encourage you to read through the lengthy comments. The Chump Nation has some great insights and a sharp sense of humor.
I thanked her, and she gave me some more great and brief advice. “Hang in there. Do the hard things. Life is so much better on the other side of a fucktwit.



That is some pretty good advice..   I concur, thumbs up.   

 I'm sitting here looking at the evening sky, drinking a darn good beer, and thinking how much better my life is...how horribly I was treated divorcing my hurtful and lying GX,  How hard it was at the time ..how demonic.   But, now ,  how much better I am with.kind, honest people in my life.        I say walk forward, stay the course, and get to a life where abuse is an abnormal thing of the past..


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

June 30, 2019 4:14 pm  #18


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

oh.  I am glad to hear it was Chump Lady who came up with that name and not you.  Blue Bear is much much nicer.

 

 

June 30, 2019 4:33 pm  #19


Re: Bisexual or a Lesbian?

Rob,
 That is WONDERFUL to hear!  You sound so much better now.  Normal, even.  Who knew normal could feel so extraordinary?!

 

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