I've always tried to have a lot of trust in my partner. I've never felt so betrayed and confused in my life. I found out from a gay coworker who uses Grindr, that my partner made a Grindr profile and has been active on it. He sent me a screenshot of his profile. I downloaded the app to see for myself and sure enough his face pops up, accurate description of his personal info included with an invite for "friends, dates"... Saying something along the lines of "I like small cute boys".. my world has shattered.

We've been together for almost 8 years. We were each other's firsts. We're high school sweethearts. We've been very involved in each other's families. Great sex life, doing okay financially but relying on many roommates as many young people our age do... What did I do to lose interest?

I don't know if he knows that I know. I haven't said anything yet. It's 6 am and I slept maybe an hour? I'm honestly not sure, I've just been lying here next to him in shock.

I've written down everything I would like to say to him because I don't think I can use my words out loud when I confront him...

I don't want this to end. I've built my entire life around this man, we were planning to get married after the 10 year mark, but my research is showing me that people who try to reconcile relationships with those who have taken this path usually end up breaking things off eventually.

I supported this man through college. Moving out for the first time. The death of relatives. The death of beloved pets. I thought I knew who he was, now I'm not sure I can ever trust anyone ever again.

I'm the most upset with myself for allowing myself to be lead down this path with a man I'm not sure I ever really knew anything about.

He's the closest person to me and I have no one else to talk to... If anyone wants details or has some advice for me I'll take any and all.

I honestly feel like he's dead, it feels like I'm grieving his death but he's here next to me asleep.

I plan to confront him after our work days have ended tomorrow.. And I've never been so terrified.



I don't know if this makes a difference to my situation but I'm bisexual. I've never been with someone of the same gender because I've spent a lot of my "experimental youth years" in a monogamous relationship with this man. Of course I've wondered what it must be like, and because of this I sympathize with him and I love him and want to support him because I know coming out can be so emotionally unbearable that it drives some to suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Just as much as never knowing what could've been can do the same damage. But going behind my back to flesh out some curiosities even when we've tried to have an "open" relationship before...? That ended terribly by the way because I was 18 and didn't understand healthy coping mechanisms at the time...  I nearly took my own life in despair (sounds dramatic but please bear with me)

Have I truly been wronged or am I in the wrong for being the one that's "tied him down" for so long? He didn't get the chance to experiment when he was younger and all of a sudden it's like he's desperate to test every aspect of life before it's too late.

And honestly? If he would've been open with me from the start, I think I would've been comfortable with letting him. I might've even joined in and tried my hand at same sex affairs so that it would be fair and beneficial to both parties.

But this is the man I was about to marry, planning a future with, planning major expenses with, I mean for God sakes I almost got pregnant with his children! And now I find out he's hiding something like this from me? That's such a huge secret that it's made me second guess whether or not it would be this way for the rest of my life with him.  Will he hide other things from me? Will I always be pining after someone who can't reciprocate my affections? Meanwhile here's me sacrificing all of these other options and opportunities willingly while he connives and achieves his desires behind my trusting back. I've never felt so broken, never wanted to die so badly.

Before anyone asks, I will be nothing short of supportive when I ask him about this. I want to reconcile and I want to love him for the rest of my life but I don't want to stand in the way between him and his true identify. I love him enough that I think if I have to I can let him go... But I don't know what I'm going to do with myself if he does.

Please can someone tell me, is there hope for us? He's my soulmate, my best friend, and I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose myself even more.. even though that's selfish. At this moment I feel like I can't see any other options for my own life aside from ending it all. I wouldn't want to impose that on my family, bosses, friends... But I'm at a loss. I can't seem to feel anything. I'm sure this feeling will pass with time but I don't know how long I can survive my own grief.

Any advice is welcome, please... :/ Yes I know the suicide hotline and help available to me. I don't care enough to try them right now.