OurPath Open Forum
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- Mimi
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
Thank you all for your thoughts. Appreciate you all.
I completely agree. When I went into marriage, I never thought it would be anything but monogamous. If I were to marry right now, I wouldn’t choose open marriage, so this is not my choice. I’ve been forced into this situation.
I have to say, I’ve decided I’ll never marry again. It’s one of those mistakes you only make once in your life.
I too can’t separate emotional and physical connection. So an open marriage for me would never work. It’s just basically agreeing to being good roommates. I don’t want that.
Something that I highly recommend for people who are in the beginning of their path is to separate yourself from the situation and your GID. if you can’t make a decision now, just focus on yourself completely for a while. Do what pleases you. Hike, bike, dance, travel, read, friends, whatever that is just for you. You will slowly detangel yourself from the rabbit hole, the spiral of lies. You will think more clear.
- Kel
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
I had plenty of friends say that, too. Until I flipped the question and asked them if THEY could stay in a marriage where they weren't desired. Then their answer was a loud and resounding NOPE!
As for sex, it's the only part that makes marriage different from any other relationship. Everyone else is either friends or family. The intimacy takes it to another level that is reserved for only one. If you don't have that, you're missing the backbone of marriage - intimacy.
To each his own. But I couldn't do it. I didn't - once I realized that I wasn't happy and it wasn't going to change, I had to get out. I had to give my children a better model for their own marriages someday. And I had to show them that sometimes the best thing to do is the hardest. I had to show them that you have to chase joy - it doesn't plop into your lap. You search for it. And I wasn't sure that I'd find anything better, honestly. I mean, what if that's the best I was ever going to get from a man? But one day I figured out that I wasn't ensured happiness if I left, but I sure as hell wasn't going to have it if I stayed. I'd figured that much out. All this without any proof that he was gay. One day it just clicked that this wasn't going to work, and I'd be oh-so-angry with myself if I wasted another 16 years after I realized it wasn't ever going to get better. So I left. And I met the love of my life. Going on six years now of married bliss (truly). I wish I'd have left a long time sooner.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- Rob
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
Good to see your frank replies again Kel.
I have to agree..knowing what i know now I'd wish I left sooner.
I was in such shock though. I thank God for getting me away from
TGT. So much healthier and happier now.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Violated
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
How do I deal with doubts?
Easy...I continued to snoop and be a detective. The evidence became overwhelming. My GIDXH is Gay.
I no longer believe anything he says. He is incapable of telling the truth. Some may tell you that playing detective is not healthy for you but for me it gave me Validation and the kick in the ass I needed to move toward divorce. Onward...........
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
Violated, I agree. When I would begin to doubt myself, I'd look again for evidence, and, finding it, would remember that I knew and that divorce was the only option. No matter that he was silent and wouldn't talk about it, that he tried to pretend nothing had ever been said. The evidence of his actions told me different.
- StraightSpouse1979
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Re: How do you deal with doubts?
My husband who this summer started taking estrogen and has become quite feminine which I am not attracted to at all said that he would understand if i met my needs elsewhere as long as I didn't form any emotional attachment. I have a hard time separating that especially since if i did find someone outside I would have to get to know them first to even feel comfortable and in doing that would have some emotional attachment.