OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- phoenix
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
Abby wrote:
I wish that the Straight Spouse Forum could find a way to reach out couples about possible red flags that their love interest has same-sex attractions and what that can mean for the relationship. Articles and stories in magazines such Cosmopolitan, Glamor and even Good Housekeeping. Magazines aimed at clergy too encouraging them to bring this up in premarital counseling??
I think there are several types of women at risk: young women who have only dated this one person who they consider their best friend; women who consider themselves open-minded and this is proof of it, and women who are seeking financial stability and think that is all they want.
There's nothing wrong with someone having same sex attractions. It is what it is. When in an intimate and/or romantic relationship with a person of the opposite sex however it needs to be known and accepted by both parties because otherwise it will be a ticking time bomb. Sex drives do not disappear with age. Rejection does hurt.
I think we've had a few threads in the past that talk about "red flags" or "warning signs". Try the search function and see what you can find. We have to tread a bit lightly on this topic because we want to be careful not to stereotype or judge people in the process of protecting potential straight spouses.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- phoenix
- Administrator
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
I am desperate for a support group. A face to face meeting with other straight spouses. I was sooo excited when I found SSN and saw that there are support groups available in many cities, but I can’t seem to get a reply. 🙁
This site is not as active as I would have hoped, but I know that can’t be helped. Maybe it would benefit some if there was a regional section in the message boards. Where people could reach out with other people in their area. To even take it a step further… If new members could be assigned a mentor to help guide them to resources available to them.
I'm sorry for the delay finallyfree. Our triage and face-to-face network coordinators are revamping their processes currently and that might lead to a little delay. But they are trying their best to handle the volume of requests as quick as possible. If you want, please send me an instant message and I can try to make a call to the triage leader myself to see what the status is.
Thanks and sorry!
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- •
Thread Starter- ByHisWounds
- Member
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
A resource page that experienced members could contribute to would be helpful.
Suggested readings would be great as well as a list of non straightspouse support groups (I am currently in a DivorceCare support group with a local church as that is the closest to a straightspouse support group in the area I have found).
It would also be beneficial to have resources for parents. I had a lot of questions regarding how to have discussions with my kids (thanks forum for tbt help) and In addition to my own care both my kids are in counseling. My children’s counselors have shared there is some challenge in how to beat approach how complex the family situation is.
Last edited by ByHisWounds (March 4, 2019 12:56 pm)
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
- Haven
- Member
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
I am very new to the network but finding it very helpful. I'm very appreciative of the "Voices" podcasts, listening to 2-3 a day, will be through all of them soon at this rate. I'm hopeful to get connected with a local support group soon but there seems to be some transition in group leaders in my area. Just got on the forum but expect that will be helpful also. Thanks a bunch for being here!
- gonzo2000
- Member
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
Hi Phoenix & Out of His Closet, I have tried to locate the site for adult children, without success. Please send me the link.
- drewch
- New member
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
I'd love a way to more easily find other men in this situation, who have a wife who is bisexual or a lesbian. I understand that it's something like 80%/20% women to men who find themselves in this situation, and as a member of the 20%, it would be nice to be able to find the others' stories and posts more easily.
No offense to the ladies - I know that there are parallels whether you are a straight husband or a straight wife, but right now, this early on in the process for me, I want to hear from the husbands mainly, since I am one.
- lily
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
Hi drewch - 20%? Though there could be a smaller percentage of married women admitting to being gay I would imagine being in the closet is pretty equal numbers between the sexes - just seems logical to me. In terms of admitting it, it seems to me it is changing now, the lesbians are feeling very empowered and many are coming out of the closet in their middle years.
good luck with it all - you are right it is good to hear from the other husbands now.
all the best, Lily
Last edited by lily (March 6, 2019 4:47 pm)
- Roo
- Member
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Re: SSN Feedback Request
I wish I could find some new(er) information on our situation. A lot of it I see by doing a Google search is more in support for the bi/gay/transgender spouse. It's as if WE don't count. And to read the comments from people that have not gone through this just aggravates me.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~