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February 19, 2019 11:53 am  #1


My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

We’ve been happily married for 24 years and we are high school sweethearts. He is my best friend and soulmate. This probably all started about 15 years ago when my husband wanted to “spice” things up and try adding another man or couple to the bedroom. Reluctantly I tried. I knew he had a curiosity to be with another man. We did so a couple times but we would always find fake men who weren’t as Bi as they said and it got to be to much to handle emotionally for me so I put a stop to it. Later I found on his search history he was watching gay porn. When I questioned him he made it seem like it was nothing so then he started deleting his search history. I always felt like he would act on his urges but could never get him to admit it. Now jump ahead 15 years and I started talking to him about it again and reassured him if I haven’t gone anywhere in the past 15 years why would I now and I want an open communication with him on how he’s feeling. So he finally opened up to me and told me of 3 different times he did act on his urges. I assured him I was happy that he was being open with me and I asked that he never keep anything like that from me again. This opened up a line of communication like no other and something sparked between the two of us and we found something to in our relationship like we haven’t had in a long time. So after lots more talking I asked if he still has the desire to be with a man and he does. I suggested we try again and perhaps I would or would not participate. We created an account online together so that no one is hiding anything. After some time it started to bother me again and I do talk to him about it but something inside me is still screaming “why am I not enough for him”.  I’m trying so hard to keep it together but some days are hard. I love him and I know he loves me. I just don’t have anyone I can talk to. This is something we want to keep between the two of us and I don’t want to keep venting to him about him.

 

February 19, 2019 1:19 pm  #2


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Hi Sren,
Welcome.  I am a straight woman with a male partner who is curious about a M2M encounter, we've together 20 years.  He recently suggested we create an online account together to chat with others on a swingers website and presumably eventually find someone in person.  Though I am not 100% sold on this idea.  I don't mind the online part just not the in person encounter.   We don't have very good communication at the moment but I'm hopeful one day it will be better.  I think, as per your comment, once he realizes I haven't gone anywhere yet he'll relax a little.
Vicky


 
 

February 19, 2019 1:34 pm  #3


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Hi Vicky,

It’s nice to know I’m no alone! Sometimes I feel like I am. But yes we’ve done the online chat thing on a swinger site. We have actually met with someone a couple times and let me tell you from experience I’m usually a ball of anxiety. I’m okay with chatting online but I’m like you not 100% comfortable with meeting them. That’s why I recently told my husband he can do this on his own but has to be upfront with me. He did say he’s not sure he’s comfortable with that so we’ll see. As for getting my husband to finally communicate with me it took me telling him I’m not going anywhere and it’s more torturous for me not knowing than knowing. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown. Once I knew we were able to talk about it. But it’s still a work in progress. Hopefully your husband will be able to open up.

     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2019 2:09 pm  #4


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

You're definitely not alone!  There are lots of woman out there doing the MOM thing and there are even online groups just for them.  There is MMOMW or Alternate Path on Yahoo groups.  I find MMOMW more responsive it's for both sexes gay/bi/trans or straight.  Alternate Path is for the straight wife only but it's a quieter group.  You can try Reddit too (under Bisexual) they tend to be a friendly group, I've posted there as the straight spouse of a bi guy and they've been helpful.  There is also BBGL forum which tends to have a lot of male users.
There are also online resources for your husband too.  So no you're not alone!
Vicky
 


 
 

February 19, 2019 2:19 pm  #5


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Thank you so much for all the resources I can check out. I tried to find something local to my area but had no luck so I found this sight last night. I will definitely check them out and search online groups that my husband can check out also. I reallly do appreciate it! It’s also nice knowing that everyone seems pretty supportive of each other.

     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2019 2:22 pm  #6


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Welcome to the Forum Sren  

Sren1027 wrote:

We’ve been happily married for 24 years and we are high school sweethearts. He is my best friend and soulmate. This probably all started about 15 years ago when my husband wanted to “spice” things up and try adding another man or couple to the bedroom. Reluctantly I tried. I knew he had a curiosity to be with another man. We did so a couple times but we would always find fake men who weren’t as Bi as they said and it got to be to much to handle emotionally for me so I put a stop to it. Later I found on his search history he was watching gay porn. When I questioned him he made it seem like it was nothing so then he started deleting his search history. I always felt like he would act on his urges but could never get him to admit it. Now jump ahead 15 years and I started talking to him about it again and reassured him if I haven’t gone anywhere in the past 15 years why would I now and I want an open communication with him on how he’s feeling. So he finally opened up to me and told me of 3 different times he did act on his urges. I assured him I was happy that he was being open with me and I asked that he never keep anything like that from me again. This opened up a line of communication like no other and something sparked between the two of us and we found something to in our relationship like we haven’t had in a long time. So after lots more talking I asked if he still has the desire to be with a man and he does. I suggested we try again and perhaps I would or would not participate. We created an account online together so that no one is hiding anything. After some time it started to bother me again and I do talk to him about it but something inside me is still screaming “why am I not enough for him”. I’m trying so hard to keep it together but some days are hard. I love him and I know he loves me. I just don’t have anyone I can talk to. This is something we want to keep between the two of us and I don’t want to keep venting to him about him.

 

I have been with my partner for 34 years, the first 25 were pretty damn perfect....then one day he suggested we join a dating/sex site (woohoo! for fun/adventure) and at first it was, but it became harder to be okay him doing stuff on his own so I said I wanted to stop. And he agreed. But he was still chatting with people with a secret account, fueling his fantasies, watching gay porn, dressing in panties & stockings....and when I found out he said "men are where my interests lie...I want one day a month to fulfill my bi-side" (still can't see himself as gay....hah!)

I said "no fucking way" and since then it's been 2 years of the biggest mindfuck I have ever experienced. We are still together, I'm waiting til it's MY day to leave.

At the core of this mindfuck....is sex/sexuality/how men see themselves as sexual creatures, so my advice to you is take sex with other people (by/with you both as a couple) out of the equation and where does that put you both? 
I will no longer put myself in a position of having to compare myself sexually with somebody and the only way he can do that is to lie to me. 
Currently we're locked in a stalemate. He's trying to prove he can be trusted and I'm trying to have trust in a man who's already abused it once.



 


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 19, 2019 2:38 pm  #7


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Hello

I understand what you’re saying. I am taking sex with other people out of the equation for me but I have talked to my husband about him still from time to time being with a man if he chooses. I’m not sure it’s the right thing or the wrong thing. I guess time will tell. I know it’s not just my happiness at stake. I know what you’re saying about the mindfuck. There are days I feel like I can’t get out of bed and I find myself becoming obsessive about what he’s doing or who is he talking to. I try not to be like that but sometimes I can’t help it. I just fear that if we don’t keep communicating about it and he doesn’t explore his sexuality that I could cause more damage. We have a very loving strong relationship outside of sex and I don’t want to destroy that either. I know and hope that if I asked him to stop he would but perhaps a part of me is afraid to find out.

     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2019 2:42 pm  #8


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

What city, state or province are you in?  If you join one of the other sites they might be able to direct you to some in person resources.  As for me I'm Canadian.

Ellexoh, I'm not sure it's just guys who think they're sexual creatures, I've always enjoyed sex and lots of it.  To be completely honest the thought of online chatting is sort of exciting.  However the thought of someone else seeing my post-babies almost 40 year old body is horrifying LOL.

Vicky


 
 

February 19, 2019 2:46 pm  #9


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Hello Vicky
I’m in canton Ohio. I was able to find resources in Cleveland (an hour away) or Columbus ( 2 hours away) but that’s the closest

     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2019 3:15 pm  #10


Re: My husband is bisexual and I need someone who I can talk to

Sren1027 wrote:

Hello

I understand what you’re saying. I am taking sex with other people out of the equation for me but I have talked to my husband about him still from time to time being with a man if he chooses. I’m not sure it’s the right thing or the wrong thing. I guess time will tell. I know it’s not just my happiness at stake. I know what you’re saying about the mindfuck. There are days I feel like I can’t get out of bed and I find myself becoming obsessive about what he’s doing or who is he talking to. I try not to be like that but sometimes I can’t help it. I just fear that if we don’t keep communicating about it and he doesn’t explore his sexuality that I could cause more damage. We have a very loving strong relationship outside of sex and I don’t want to destroy that either. I know and hope that if I asked him to stop he would but perhaps a part of me is afraid to find out.

 
When you reach a point in the ever-spiralling days of not getting out of bed, feeling lost, wondering what he's doing, who he's with and most importantly what this is doing to your r'ship and the way you see yourself.. you may feel that you deserve more.

My important first step was voicing to my partner the things I DON'T EVER WANT in my life. But it took a while to untangle the initial mindfuck to see I am actually worth holding on to and that it's not me who has the most work to do...but him


KIA KAHA                       
 

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