So many of us find evidence that our spouse has secrets, and then when we confront them, we're met with an incredulous reaction or lies.  They expect us to believe these lies - mostly because we've been trusting for them so long that they make it seem like they'll be insulted if we could possibly think they'd do such atrocious things to us.  We often fall for these explanations / lies / excuses.  I'm convinced it's almost solely because they lie to us so boldly, with such confidence.  So at the very least, we believe that THEY believe what they're saying.  But I think it's all bullshit.

If you have / had children, you know that they'll tell you lies right to your face, but they have a "give" a lot of time.  I have a brother who would scratch his head every time he told a lie.  One of my kids can't lie without looking everywhere but in your eyes when she's doing so.  My sister's kid can't lie without busting into a full out laugh.  Some people don't have a tell, though.  They have a poker face.  This comes from lying enough that they get good at it.  But still, there's a tell, of sorts.  It's hiding something.  When they hide something, we know that they thought they needed to hide it for a reason.

Let me give you an example.  I have a teenage son.  One time after grocery shopping, we couldn't find the loaf of cinnamon/raisin bread we'd just come home with the day before.  The entire loaf was just......gone.  My husband went searching for it, only to find it in my son's bedroom garbage can, at the bottom, wadded up, inside an empty toilet paper roll.  When confronted about it, my son first lied outright about knowing anything about the bread.  Then when presented with the wrapper, he said that he had eaten it all, but..... he had no idea he wasn't free to eat anything in the house that was in a common area.  Now,.... this is a plausible excuse.  After all, no one had ever said to him, "Don't hog all of something for yourself, essentially taking it from everyone else".  And then I realized that hiding the wrapper at the bottom of his garbage can - crinkled up inside of something - was his tell.  HE empties the garbage cans in the house.  He knew we'd likely never see that wrapper, but he hid it extra well just in case.  He hid it because HE.KNEW he'd done something he shouldn't have.  And he didn't want to be found out.  (if he was smart, he'd have just stashed it in the kitchen garbage can, where we wouldn't have been able to differentiate who'd put it there).  That right there was his "tell" = he hid the evidence of something he was claiming not to have known was wrong.  If that were really the truth, he'd have had the bag right on the top of the can, as if it were not big deal.

So many times I've heard stories here about how one of us will find a dating app or site on their spouse's computer or phone, and when confronted, they'll lie and say that they were just curious.  Oh really?? They why weren't you doing this in front of me?  Why was the dang thing hidden?  If something is "no big deal", then why are you burying the evidence?  Because they KNOW, that's why.  They just think we're dumb enough to believe them.  And for some reason, we do - at least for a while - until they give us enough evidence to convince us that they get it.

Most people in their lifetimes will find themselves attracted to members of the opposite sex whom we find attractive.  That's normal - so long as it's something small that doesn't impede on your relationships in any way.   But once those thoughts cross a line into more constant thinking, or sexual thoughts, we know to hide that shit.  We CERTAINLY know how to hide that we're trying to look nicer for them, or have phone conversations out of the way of curious ears.  We know.  And so do they.  Don't let them fool you into believing something just because that's what they WANT.  You know better.  People lie to cover things that they don't want to lose.  I think that thing is often marriage / their beard vs. the spouse him/herself.  Hell, let them go have marriage with someone else.  We're not idiots, and we resent you thinking that we'll fall for that bullshit.

Kel