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1 - Lonelyheartsclub
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OMG HELP ME
I'm really reaching out for help here, everyone.
We talked through divorce papers this morning. I've never experienced this level of sadness and depression before and am really having a rough time making it through.
Any advice would be greatly appreciative.
- Estella Oculus
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Hello, Loneyheartsclub, I am reaching out my virtual hand to you. If I were there, I would make you some tea (or a hot healing beverage of your choice), and I would sit with you and hold your hand as you cried. And you could cry as long as you want. It is truly heart breaking, the place we find ourselves in. The betrayal hurts. Divorce hurts.
I'm not sure I have any good advice for you, beyond that you should take care of yourself as you would a good friend who is grieving. What would you offer to another that you can now offer to yourself?
Thank you for checking in here and letting us know how you are doing. Please keep us updated. We are thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way.
Last edited by Estella Oculus (January 27, 2019 7:47 pm)
- lily
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Hi, yes look after yourself.
It is a sort of emergency situation, upheaval and emotional pain this severe.
where I worked there was an emergency checklist up on the wall, what to do in an emergency and the first rule at the top of the list was Don't Panic and never trust a Vogon. It really is good advice!
look after yourself, it will get better in a while. wishing you all the best, Lily
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Lonely Hearts Club:
I know this is going to sound cold, because what you're feeling right now is sadness and grief that is overwhelming. But you must combat that sadness with a legal strategy. I don't remember your particulars but I hope you have a lawyer working for you, and that you know your legal rights. Your spouse is likely to be, as so many of our spouses have been, acting in his self interest alone. You must look out for your own rights and future (and that of your children, if you have any). Sadness and grief are debilitating, which can play right into the hands of an entitled person who doesn't believe he should experience any consequences for his actions (and may even have styled himself the victim).
- Calamity
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Lonely Hearts Club,
As others have said, it sounds harsh, but right now it is one foot in front of the other for you. Grief will come later. Make sure you have money in a bank account only you can access, get a lawyer, and get very pragmatic about physical stuff, You WILL make it through this and have time to grieve and recover, but right now you need to look out for yourself. NO, he doesn't get to take the bath towels or kitchen utensils, He has opted to leave.
I spent the first month after our break-up packing boxes. I told him I didn't want him back and forth retrieving random things, so I boxed it all up for him and found a moving company that happily moved it for $125. I even labeled the boxes. It was quite cathartic, really, and gave me some very concrete areas of focus once legal things were in place and locks were changed. Box by box he was out of the living room, the bathroom, the bedroom, etc. I began to make my own space.
Sometimes it was sad, but as time went on it got better. I'm months out now and actually feeling pretty good about the world, which I never thought I'd say 4 months ago.
If you are in crisis now, reach out NOW. Call a friend, call your local crisis agency. If you are just plain feeling down in the dumps,
know that many have been there before and, like you, will rise again.
- phoenix
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Calamity wrote:
If you are in crisis now, reach out NOW. Call a friend, call your local crisis agency. If you are just plain feeling down in the dumps, know that many have been there before and, like you, will rise again.
THIS is perfect! Please do reach out to the SSN triage line:
If you are considering hurting yourself (A place many of us have been and we know there is no shame in this) please reach out to the national suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255
We are here for you, but are somewhat limited due to geographic distance in how we can help, so please seek local resources. But let us know how we can help as well
Last edited by phoenix (January 28, 2019 8:25 pm)
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Violated
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Re: OMG HELP ME
lonely, I been there, the pain and sadness is overwhelming. I was divorced Jan 10th , a few weeks ago , exactly one year after I discovered TGT after 44 years of marriage. It does get better. But it is a process, and it just takes time. Go ahead and cry, but try to hold onto HOPE, that's how I get thru everyday.....I hold onto hope, I know and believe I will be OK, and I will be happy. The pain gradually will lessen.
The best advice I can give you about the divorce is to think with your head not your heart, be smart, protect your assets. You must make yourself a priority now, and take care of yourself.
Sending healing thoughts and hugs your way,
- Calamity
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Re: OMG HELP ME
LonelyHeartsClub, I'm posting hoping you are ok. We and many others are here for you.
- Lonelyheartsclub
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Re: OMG HELP ME
Hi everyone, I'm better, not in the super dark spot I was in, but having a very angry week. Thank you for all of your kind words and responses. My mom sent me a meditation that really helped. (If any of you would like it I'd be happy to post it for you.)
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