I had a couple of good talks with my best friend recently, and she said something in one of them that brought home to me how difficult it is going to be to do the necessary work I have to do on myself to be in a healthier place going forward.

I had been explaining that I'd had a very uncomfortable night at my dear son's concert, because this pattern has evolved: I arrive early and sit where I think I'll be able to get a good picture of son in musical action. STBX arrives at the last minute but goes out of his way to sit right next to or very near me. Then afterwards, after I say good night to him and start to head out, he follows me around as I say hi to people we know, often inserting himself in the conversations I start with other people. He's very concerned that we look like we haven't broken up at these functions, even though I have told all these people that we have separated and are divorcing (but not why).

So, my best friend says: why don't you start going late?

This is such a staggering idea to me, I have to say, dumbly, what?

Again, she says, why don't you start going late? After the concert has started. Will that cause you to miss your son's performance?

No.

Well, then start going late. Arrive after it starts, sit somewhere far away from him, leave before he can find you.

This is such a genius move, why didn't I think of it?  I'll tell you why: because I was brought up that I should always, always be early for appointments, etc. To come late was "bad." (Not terrible, because sometimes it happened unavoidably, but generally "bad" to make a habit of being late.) Being early for things -- sometimes ridiculously so -- is totally ingrained by my family of origin’s habits and values.

So then it hit me: there are a thousand, million things in my everyday life like that, large and small, that I don't even question, I just think I "can't" do them, even when doing them is actually the better, saner course of action. Learning to see and break those habits when it is appropriate self care to do so is going to be very, very hard.

Has anyone else encountered things like this? What were some of the hardest habits for you to break in the service of a saner, healthier, happier life going forward?