Leah wrote:

MMartin, just WOW you are so strong and wise and your baby is so lucky to have you as a mom!!! I'm sometimes in awe of the people here and the massive shedload of shit they have to go through on this journey.... Keep on keeping on... Toasting you here as you bravely go forward... bows to your grace, wisdom and strength! 

Leah, you are generous and sweet! It means the world to hear things like that about me being a good mom, I am triying so hard to be strong for her, to put her first, and to resolve it the amicable and compassionate way (it´s R E A L hard sometimes!!)
I am from a different country, and I can not wait to go be with my loved ones, the people that has my back, but we are in Brooklyn, my baby has special needs and has a great system of providers set up here, and my STBE is American, so lots of  s h i i i i i t  in deed.
But I can start to envision my future, I know we will get past this, lately I see myself painting walls of great colors, my colors, and creating a home for me and my girl, and it feels so good. I am letting that felling and future pull me, influence this hard present to make it softer. And besides, life is just a freacking contradiction that I must accept, the same thing that makes it harder (having a child with my STBE) is the same one that makes my universe glow and make me have no regrets, giving it all sense. So here we go, 2019!!!!!

We are here to help each other, reading you helps me too! And you are sooo right, sometimes I read all of our drama and there is soo much stuff that people is going through that it would be incredible material for stand up commedy. Sort of like Tig Notaro, when she did that special on her girlfriend leaving her, her mom diying, she going through cancer and another terrible illness.... and made it one of the best stand up specials to this day, making people cry and laugh at the same time. 

Estella Oculus wrote:

MMartin, you are so AWESOME! We have your back, too, and I think you should get busy writing that show!! Hope you have a great week!

 
Estella! Let’s meet up soon! This chat is full of crazy stories, but packed with awesomeness!
I am going to my first straight spouse meeting on Wednesday, I am very much looking forward to it.

Best of luck with all of that, it is sickening and so hard, we have your back too! Tell us how it went if you feel like it.
Good vibes going your way.