I hear what you are saying, but can really only speak to what I think my spouse would do in a situation like that.

My spouse loves the "victim" role. My spouse cheated on his first wife and spun it to make it look like she was the bad guy. He came clean and told her about the encounter as a way to convince her they needed marriage counseling. He wanted the marriage to work, but she kicked him out and filed for divorce. So, yes, he made a mistake, but was sorry and trying to make it right.

Now, with me, SHE is trying to make the trans thing my fault even though she dressed decades before we met. Again, though, my spouse has set herself up in the victim role and is thriving in it.

So, given what I know, if, before all this came to light, something had happened to me, I think he would have loved the public sympathy he would have gotten from playing the long-suffering, hard-working and devoted spouse. He would probably have remained closeted but would have still dressed - only I wouldn't be in a position to leave.

Of course, there is no way to know for sure, but the public admiration and accolades is hard for any narcissist to give up.

It seems strange that the decision to stay or leave someone, to honor your commitments, is very dependent on the given specifics of a situation.
For example, If you realize you are attracted to the opposite sex, you just have to run headfirst into that and discard your spouse. That same person, should some medical issue happen to them where they had no libido or ability to have sex, might expect their spouse to stick by their side through the issue and remain faithful. 
 

Rob,

I am glad you got away from your ex, from the sounds of it you are much better off alone than with someone would could be that horrible to you.

It seems that there are a lot of similarities and commonalities in our situations, however one major variable seems to be the individual gay spouses behavior. Some are relativity kind and compassionate and remain faithful until after a divorce/separation (or at least the claim to), some are cold and distant, and some are mean, angry, nasty, and vengeful.

I think the behavior and temperament of the gay spouse does a lot to shape the experience that we go through. Although my spouse is being mostly nice and affectionate, that almost makes it harder to want to decouple and begin the healing process and start the next chapter of my life.

At least mean and horrible would make it more clear that everything is over and help push me to the point of divorce. 
 

Great point OutofHisCloset.

It sucks that so many states now have "no-fault" divorce laws. I'm sure sometimes trying to prove fault would be messy, but in some cases it's very cut and dry. When someone violated their marriage vows and broke the covenant, they should not get the same rights as the other spouse during a divorce. And they definitely shouldn't be able to make a divorce drag on for months and years, contesting everything and continually negotiating for more.