My wife and I told our kids yesterday.  It was very difficult to initiate, but it went well once things were rolling.  We didn’t consider any other option besides telling the truth. My wife did most of the talking as she needed to explain the discovery that she was gay and what it meant for the family. She’s not normally good at that sort of thing, but she wrote all the things she wanted to say before hand and then rehearsed an outline right before we talked to them. She did a great job.

We made sure to have the day open if they wanted to spend time with us. They’ve taken to the news far better than I did, that’s for sure.  There will be time for it all to sink in, and each new step will come with difficulties, but kids are pretty resilient.  They were very supportive of my wife, giving her hugs during the talk.

I think it’s important to wait until you are both ready to talk to them. For me, it was important for me to have my feelings under control, before taking on the support that the kids will need.

Good luck. It feels good to have it behind us.

Hi Butterfly,
I am so sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It is a difficult one, and these conversations aren't easy. I think you have an advantage in terms of your kids being older and having each other. From most of the examples I have read here, older kids can be told the honest basics and form their own opinions, and siblings are usually a good support for each other. It might help to get a therapist for your youngest--just someone he can blow off steam to. Our son doesn't know the truth yet, but we got him a therapist anyway, and he appreciated having someone to talk to about the divorce and general teen stuff. Good luck and I will be thinking of you!

Agree with Ellexoh.  You have to tell them -- for starters, you'll be in a better position to control the timing and messaging.  Otherwise, you're running the risk that the truth comes out by accident in the worst possible way.  When I told my daughter, I learned that she'd seen a few things that didn't make sense to her at the time -- she'd seen text messages on her father's cellphone (you know how when you get a new text you get a preview of the message even if the phone is locked) and didn't understand what was going on.

I've also made sure that I'm not putting my daughter in a position where she has to keep secrets from other people.  So I try not to share stuff with her that she's not supposed to tell her father, although I haven't been perfect in that respect.  Like I don't want him knowing that I have some copies of certain text messages.