It's very interesting how many GS also seem to be narcissists. And like Rob mentioned, when I look back, I can see very many indications of narcissism over the years with my spouse. I remember sometimes noticing it, but I would excuse it away, or think things like "at least she's nice and kind and considerate to me (mostly)".

You know what?  I'm not giving them a pass on or excusing their behavior as "gay adolescence" or the actions of a "baby trans," and I'm tired of such defenses for their narcissistic behavior.  They are neither adolescents nor babies.  They are adults, adults who can make responsible choices and can choose to act responsibly.  Lots of us are placed in difficult situations not of our choosing and we still we manage to act like responsible adults.  My father, who sexually abused me as a child, killed himself when I was two years into an academic job, needed to earn tenure, and had a three year old son.  Despite dealing with the aftermath of my father's suicide and experiencing the resurfacing of a lot I'd hidden away in myself for years, I still managed to hold it together to do my job, grade papers, teach classes, look after the house, cook dinner every night, and otherwise look after my child.  Yes, there were days I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning, or wanted to just sit down on a campus sidewalk in order to signal how much I needed life to just stop and let me opt out for a while, but I did what had to be done--and without much support and a lot of resentment that I wasn't available for him the way he wanted me to be on the part of my spouse. 
     So this idea that our newly out spouses are simply too giddy from the unleashing of their bottled up sexuality or so influenced by hormones so they are to be excused for their selfish behavior is bollocks to me. 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (January 9, 2019 3:40 pm)

vicky wrote:

I thought I'd start a thread about common things we see in peoples posts here.  Sometimes I read someone's post and it's just like reading my own a few years ago.  They're really are some similarities in these posts.

1)  They travel for work - I see this one a lot here, raise your hand if your husband traveled for work!  Those business hotels must be a hotbed of homosexual activity.  I wonder if these guys consciously seek out travelling jobs so they are able to hook up in strange towns.
2)  They've been with their spouse 15-18 years.  It seems like a lot of these guys are late 30's to early 40's when they can't contain their sexual preference anymore and it seems to be around the 15 to 18 year mark when they get found out.
3) Women confess to their husbands but the men they're always caught, the men are nearly never straightforward with their spouses and tell them the truth before being caught, leading to the next one...
4) When they're found out they deny they're gay/bi they say it's a fetish or a curiosity or something to blow off steam but they will never say it's homosexual - as if that is any way believable but somehow they think it is.
5) They love porn and don't think liking gay porn means they're gay
6) They don't think it's cheating if they have a sexual encounter with a person of the same gender.

I thought about adding they're controlling but that seems to be common among my hetero-coupled friends too.

Those are some off the top of my head what have you noticed.

Vicky


 

Here is list from a straight Husbands point of view.
1) Probably doesn't travel for work, but has frequent "Girl's Night Out" weekends. When the bi/lesbian wife gets bolder it progresses to overnight hotel stays or crashing at a "friend's" house, only because she doesn't want to drive drunk. Which at face value sounds very reasonable.
2)Almost identical to what your #2 was. 
3)Women will confess IF AND ONLY IF
      3a)They have explored their legal options and know what kind of settlement they will get in divorce court.
      3b)They have gotten back into the dating pool and seen what their options are.
      3c)They are in a long term affair with someone they feel will be a viable relationship option, and don't ask for divorce until the next relationship is well established.
      3d)And they NEVER admit to how many affairs there were, ESPECIALLY to the person they are cheating on  you with.
      And if they can't lock all of these down it will be deny, deny. deny until confronted with a mountain of proof.
4)Once they finally admit that they are not straight, the first thought on their minds is divorce. That's why there are so few MOM's with a straight husband and bi/lesbian wife.
5)They watch porn too, but it almost never gives any satisfaction.
6)They don't think it's cheating because they are "figuring themselves out". And even after they are caught anything short of full-on sex wasn't cheating either in their minds.

These all seem to be the consensus of the straight husbands I've talked to.
 

Last edited by powerlineman (January 18, 2019 8:22 am)

Yes, I think you are right - the gay wife never confesses until she has a steady girlfriend and they want to set up together.  It is painful to see the way that the still utterly loyal straight husband will take her back if she wants to come back again (the girlfriend didn't work out for some reason).  While the straight wives once they know and a do-able divorce is on the table tend to keep going.

But when it comes to straights that don't know, there are heaps and heaps and heaps, and probably have always been more MOMs where it is the woman who is gay than it is the man for the simple reason it is easier for the woman to fake it.

It also appears to be easier for a bisexual woman to be monogamous than a bisexual man.

Last edited by lily (January 14, 2019 6:37 pm)

... and that part of your life becomes a dream you had in a locked room (partial true detective quote)

... a dream about being a person. 


.... I know I need to move on from mine emotionally, it sucks. 

thanks everyone for adding and reading.

sharing, knowing and understanding,