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Pittyguy,
Your young.
Get as far away as you can from her.
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She is giving you some of what we call "pretzel logic" and she has you twisting around to try and make logical sense of her comments. But the reality is they are cruel, and are only designed for one thing only, to make her feel better. It's all about her. I heard a million times how much harder this was for him ad nausea. That's why no contact is absolutely vital. It quiets your brains and let's it start healing,
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That is so true. I was actually doing much better in the time I had not heard from her. As soon as she contacted me again, the obsessive thoughts started again. It's just so hard to admit to myself that she could be a bad person. I know she is very selfish, and feels she can do no wrong, but she has always maintained that she never meant to hurt me and that everything she tells me is genuine. Is that all a lie? I know I need to be away from her. I know things are what they are. I am not in denial about any of this, but I just want to give her one tiny benefit of doubt before I just totally write her off as an evil person. I think she really does still care about me in her own selfish, twisted way. I think the real reason behind her wanting to meet up with me is so she can show off how much weight she has lost. Everything she does has selfish motives, but that's just how she is with everyone. Her Mother told me she has been that way since she was a child. Center of attention at all times.
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I'm a little confused, here's a thought, if there is no reason behind seeing you except to talk, why not do it on the phone? if she insists on seeing you then I think you're right she's playing with your mind.
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PittGuy76 wrote:
I know she is very selfish, and feels she can do no wrong, but she has always maintained that she never meant to hurt me and that everything she tells me is genuine. Everything she does has selfish motives, but that's just how she is with everyone. Her Mother told me she has been that way since she was a child. Center of attention at all times.
Evil? Probably not.
Narcissistic? Could be. If so read up on them and how to distance yourself from them.
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She says she has some things in her storage unit that are mine. I would rather she just box them up and leave them with her Mother. There really is no need to see her.
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PittGuy76 wrote:
She says she has some things in her storage unit that are mine. I would rather she just box them up and leave them with her Mother. There really is no need to see her.
Yes..no contact. And really is it anything you miss. It sounds like a ploy to see you (and most likely hurt you). NO CONTACT.
Pitt-
Get a grip. You are almost out of the trap.
‘I was actually doing much better in the time I had not heard from her. As soon as she contacted me again, the obsessive thoughts started again. It's just so hard to admit to myself that she could be a bad person.’ Why you shouldn’t break No Contact -
‘I know she is very selfish, and feels she can do no wrong’ Narcissist entitlement -
‘but she has always maintained that she never meant to hurt me and that everything she tells me is genuine. Is that all a lie? Narcs lie -
‘I know I need to be away from her. I know things are what they are. I am not in denial about any of this, but I just want to give her one tiny benefit of doubt before I just totally write her off as an evil person.’ Giving her a 2nd chance -
‘I think she really does still care about me in her own selfish, twisted way.’ Narc love letter -
‘I think the real reason behind her wanting to meet up with me is so she can show off how much weight she has lost.’ She’s Hoovering you back in -
Stay conscious. Stay the course you're on! Come back here daily. You can rescue your self. We're here. We;ll help. Don;t fall back into the soup!
- John
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John. That is all very good information, thank you. I definitely know what type of person she is. I have already given her a second and third and fourth chance. There will be no more.
I have decided not to see her. I am going to tell her to put anything of mine in a box and leave it with a third party so I can pick it up. After that, I will have no contact at all. She is moving. I don't know how far or where. It could be across the country. I hope it is.
I have said earlier that they are a few yearbooks from High school that I would like to have back. Other than that, I don't care what she has.
Thanks again for the support.
So sorry. You said it's neither of your fault nor your wife's fault, yet she knew about her obsession with women for years before she married you. This is not about a woman being gay. It's about a wife who was dishonest with you. That's her fault. You did nothing wrong towards destroying the integrity of your marriage.