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- southerndad
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Re: Ready for the suck to be over...
So I thought things would get a little better once my SBTX moved out. I was wrong. She moved out late last week and our son spent the weekend with her. It has been so boring and lonely here. I work from home, so I don’t really get a break from it. I did go to church yesterday, but then after it was back home. I notice that I’m having a hard time getting motivated for much of anything and trouble making deciding things. I’ve actually been trying to figure out what to say since Friday. We talked before she left and she only sees TGT has half of the reasons we’re getting divorced. The other half is because our values aren’t compatible. For me, TGT is the reason. Before that came out, we had the same beliefs and values (or so I thought). Since she has came out, it’s like I don’t even know her. She looks like the person I married, but is nothing like her. And it hurts. But then she was gone and now I’m here changing out pictures of us. I’m here trying to figure out how in the world am I going to keep it together when my son comes home this afternoon. I’m here, I’m sad, I’m lonely, and at times I’m so angry. This was not how it was supposed to be. I know God can take this and make something good out of it. I just don’t see it now and that’s hard. I’ve got to figure out who I am now. I know bits and pieces, but we did so many things together. I feel like my right arm and half my heart has been ripped away. I really thought I had got over this part last year, but here it is again. I’m going to start going to a divorce care support group at a church in the area later this month. I don’t look forward to it, but I think I need to do something to try and sort this mess out. Don’t know if it’ll help or not, but at least worth a shot. It’s hard to talk about getting divorced in general, but most everyone wants to know the why or what happened. Bad enough having to deal with divorce but then adding TGT in on top of it is just a whole other level. Sorry, I’m just rambling now. I hope the suck does go away. I have to trust God that it will. I just wish it would be sooner rather than later.
Last edited by southerndad (January 7, 2019 2:33 pm)
- Abby
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Re: Ready for the suck to be over...
I suggest cookies and milk for son and you, or whatever other snack you can have handy.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.
- Jaybird
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Re: Ready for the suck to be over...
SouthernDad,
I know EXACTLY how you feel. My wife moved out last week as well, and this weekend was my first time alone without the kids. It was increadibly depressing. Saturday night I went to the movies by myself just to get out of the house. Sunday I cleaned and purged, and am working on making as many changes to the living space as possible. It was really hard. The feeling of deep loss, and extreme loneliness was so overwhelming at times that I would just break down.
Thankfully some friends invited me over for dinner on Sunday, which made a big difference. I think getting out if you can, and working on making the living space more reflective of you and less of the both of you is helpful. It’s the very beginning of this stage though, so it’s just part of the process.
Good luck. Your not alone.
J
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Ready for the suck to be over...
Southern Dad and Jaybird,
I was where you are a little less than a year ago, experiencing that sense of deep loss, although I was the one who moved out, in an unfamiliar place, alone, with only one table, one loveseat (ironic, no?), and a bed. I spent Easter Sunday roaming the rooms of my new apartment like a ghost, using the walls to prop me up while I sobbed. Jaybird, you have described the experience of this stage perfectly: the "feeling of deep loss, and extreme loneliness was so overwhelming at times that I would just break down."
It is, indeed, part of the process and a stage, one that is, as Southern Dad is experiencing, likely to return at times. For me, the Christmas season, the first on my own in 36 years, and while I was also going back to "our place" to remove the last of my things before the end of the year, as per our divorce agreement, brought some periods of that old feeling back. And I did have a good Christmas day with my son, despite a few momentary lapses I hid. Just this past Sunday I took my tree down (and wrestled it out of the house by myself and out to the curb), and put my house--and my self--back to rights (although as always when the lights and the tree are gone it feels cold and bare). And yesterday I felt I was beginning to recover myself again, and to feel that yes, overall, progress has been made. I am moving forward and out of the hurt and into my life.
You will get through this, it will get better, the hurt will lessen over time, and the periods when you are ambushed again by the deep pain will be fewer and farther between. In the meantime, you are doing the things that will help you--seeing others, getting out, changing your living space, doing projects when you can muster the energy (and sometimes you have to do them even when you don't, in order to muster energy), putting your kids first.