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October 12, 2018 7:09 pm  #41


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

PennyD wrote:

.....She told him that watching/reading gay porn in and of itself doesn’t mean he is gay- ...
Your thoughts on all this would be most welcome.

I think a better way to look at it is.....watching/reading gay porn means a man is not straight.
May be gay, may be bi. But is certainly not straight


KIA KAHA                       
 

October 12, 2018 9:12 pm  #42


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Yeah, I have to call BS on that.  She may have said this, or she may have said something that got contorted into this, but after everything I've been through, and after everything that everyone else here has been through ... I am not buying the claim that watching gay porn doesn't mean he's gay.

He may not be acting on his impulses, but straight men are not interested in gay porn.  Period.  They're just not.

 

October 12, 2018 9:30 pm  #43


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Hey everyone, thanks for your responses.

OOHC - I am still planning on my exit as there are still many things about my marriage I have been unsatisfied with and I think I’ve used up any motivation to figure this shit out. Financially - I need to get that sorted to get into a place so while it is bearable here, I am looking at rentals and need to get my ducks in a row so to speak. His going to a counsellor is something he should’ve done a long time ago. Me too actually. But that’s his thing.

Ellex - I def agree - and then it becomes my decision whether I’m ok with that, or not. Not to mention the uncertainty that raises and whether I want to live with that. The bottom line is we are turned on by very different things, and I don’t think it is fixable. I just don’t want the man I’m with to fantasise about sucking cock or being fucked up the arse. Or even a man who has such difficulty connecting that he has to turn to extreme porn to fucking feel something. It’s not what I signed up for and it seems far to complex for me to even try to figure out.

     Thread Starter
 

October 12, 2018 9:37 pm  #44


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Walk by myself - thanks for responding, from what I’ve read there seems to be two schools of thought regarding Straight men looking at gay porn and having sex with men. The first is around the ease with which sexual encounters with men can occur - I listened to a podcast on just how quick and simple it is for men to hook up in a park, car or public toilet. It is explained as purely sexual release and something different. The second is on this forum - any same sex behaviour means he’s gay, whether hookups or watching/reading porn. However, when reading about the first - there is also the fact that that men are sneaking around behind their partners backs and that is shitty. Also, same sex behaviour can in fact mean the man is in the closet. So there is still always that.

For me, I just want a heterosexual man who only gets turned on by me. That’s my bottom line.

     Thread Starter
 

October 12, 2018 11:23 pm  #45


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

PennyD wrote:

..... The bottom line is we are turned on by very different things, and I don’t think it is fixable. I just don’t want the man I’m with to fantasise about sucking cock or being fucked up the arse. Or even a man who has such difficulty connecting that he has to turn to extreme porn to fucking feel something. It’s not what I signed up for and it seems far to complex for me to even try to figure out.

This is true for me too


KIA KAHA                       
 

October 13, 2018 3:45 am  #46


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

PennyD wrote:

..... The bottom line is we are turned on by very different things, and I don’t think it is fixable. I just don’t want the man I’m with to fantasise about sucking cock or being fucked up the arse. Or even a man who has such difficulty connecting that he has to turn to extreme porn to fucking feel something. It’s not what I signed up for and it seems far to complex for me to even try to figure out.

This is true for me too

 
This was exactly how I felt.

 

October 13, 2018 10:10 am  #47


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

PennyD wrote:

The first is around the ease with which sexual encounters with men can occur - I listened to a podcast on just how quick and simple it is for men to hook up in a park, car or public toilet. It is explained as purely sexual release and something different. The second is on this forum - any same sex behaviour means he’s gay, whether hookups or watching/reading porn.

Place me in camp # 2 with the caveat of gay or bi. If all a man wants is 'release' it isn't necessary for there to be another person involved. The fact that there is and that it is another male is significant and shouldn't be dismissed as coincidence or convenience of the moment. Also keep in mind that these hook up spots become known as the spots to be when out on the down-low. That's not spur of the moment behaviour either. I feel camp # 1 exists as an excuse in order to minimize the importance of this activity.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

October 13, 2018 12:31 pm  #48


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

I just love posts like that Daryl. Good old common sense from a straight man.

 

October 13, 2018 1:55 pm  #49


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Thanks Darryl - it’s funny because the research shows that 21% of straight identified men look at gay porn, however, this doesn’t mean they are not GID of course. In my case, if it was just the gay porn I might question it, after all, I’ve enjoyed lesbian porn myself in the past (and I have no desire to have a relationship with a woman) but it’s the many other aspects of our relationship over many years that I’m unhappy with, and combined paint a fuller picture.

Thank you for your ‘straight’ male  reality check.

     Thread Starter
 

October 14, 2018 12:20 pm  #50


Re: Old Member Back with TGT once again

Wow. Such an identical story to mine. Submissive leather attraction and all. I did the same. Used toys on him etc etc. same martyr personality. Blah blah blah. It will never end. I’m just now realizing that after 10+ years of this. I’m so disheartened and disappointed in myself. I’m so glad you’re coming to the realization as well. We are all here for you!

 

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