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September 27, 2018 11:13 pm  #1

Wait, What?

I am not so good at telling stories, but some just need to be told. I am grateful for a community to share with!

My wife and I were married shortly after I turned 21 (she was also 21). I first met her during our freshman year of college and, when I decided I best move back home, we became pen pals. We wrote each other at least once a month. She was dating, and I had recently broken up with my girlfriend. After two years of writing, she had broken up with her boyfriend and confessed she would have liked to date me. 

Me being me, I reminded her that I was in a different state, and that I would have to give it some thought. We skyped weekly, and, after 3 months, I decided I would move back to my college town. Leaving my family was not easy, and surviving on my own was less so (especially working part time at Pizza Hut!), but it was worth it. My wife and I saw each other every day - she would make us dinner, and then we would binge watch Dr. Who in the basement.

In another 3 month time span, I had gotten on my feet and got a full time temp job in a factory. I took out a loan and bought a ring. She said yes and life was wonderful. She continued to study hard and focus on finishing her degree while I worked to pay for our lives. Life was fun, though I felt constricted by how much attention she wanted from me.

Fast forward another year and a half and our son was born. He is beautiful, and is a constant joy. My wife decided to stay at home and watch after him, and most of the time, she felt utterly alone.

Although I am sad to admit she was so alone, there was not much I could do. I had to work to keep the house we had bought 6 months after a son was born. I had to work so we could live. But neither of us have any close family, and none of her friends came to visit in those first years.

Little did I know that this aloneness led to a lot of time on social media, and led to her deconversion from our faith. Once she shared about her deconversion, I was shocked, but we communicated and have been abled to manage.

Back tracking a little bit (which is appropriate, because most of these thing I have noted in retrospect), ever since our son's birth she has been overwhelmingly stressed. Sex was not regular for the next two years, and I felt lucky if she even looked me in the eye and smiled. We have never gone on dates - she did not let me take her out because we did not have the money, and then after our son was born she was too stressed for dating. We have plenty of nice conversations now, but that is the sum of our relationship - nice conversations. Back to the story.

A few months ago she asked how I felt about an open marriage, said that she wanted more partners, and maybe some female partners as well. Of course, I was floored. I told her no and she said it did not even really affect me anyway, that her sexual relationships would have nothing to do with me...I didn't know what to say but no.

I still struggle to define why it is important to me to have an exclusive relationship, but we separated to weeks ago with the intent of divorce. In my words, "If our current contract is not good enough, then we just need to nullify the contract."

My heart is broken. I have been married to this woman for five years and we have struggled together to survive, in some cases barely scrapping by. We both still love each other, but are unmoving on this matter. I don't want to keep her imprisoned, but it feels like betrayal to watch her leave.

Currently, our intentions are to stay civil and maintain a family dynamic for our son. We hope some day, when everything smooths over, we will be able to be friends and spend time with each other's family.

I know this story is poorly edited, maybe I will revise it in the future. Right now I just feel like I need to post something. All I can think right now is "Wait, what?" The situation all seems to unreal.


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