OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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1 of 1- LetsBHonest
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Is it cheating?
He tells me it wasn’t cheating to join an online dating service for $$ and hook up with strange men for the phone sex when I’m sleeping in the house. I think it is but he messes my head up . Says he’s true to me always ...help me get clear please! Is it just creepy? Not cheat?
- Lake Breeze
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Re: Is it cheating?
It's cheating, and he is more than likely gay.
"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
- Kel
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Re: Is it cheating?
How could it NOT be cheating? Because it’s not with women? Because it’s “just” sex? Did you commit to “forsake all others” is your marriage vows? What is sacred about marriage if not being faithful to each other?
He’s using a tactic called “gaslighting” on you. Look it up. It’s where they try to psychologically confuse you in order to keep you off balance. He may even believe his lies. But you don’t need his permission to hold your own views.
Was / is he hiding his activity from you? If so, that’s proof right there that he knows it was wrong and shameful. You caught him, so he only has a few options. 1) Lie about what you’ve found, 2) tell you he won’t do it anymore, or 3) tell you that what he’s doing is permissible. #3 allows him to continue the activity. And if you’re still intimate with him, endangers your health and even your life.
You have every right to tell him that it is cheating to you, no matter what he thinks. And that you demand that he stop in order to remain married to you. But be prepared for him to agree, but then continue his activity with more vigilance toward secrecy.
The fact that he’s able to twist your thinking means he’s likely been doing that for years.
It’s cheating, any way you slice it.
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
- phoenix
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Re: Is it cheating?
absolutely cheating
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- 4everdamaged
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Re: Is it cheating?
I echo everything said above. I caught my XH several times having on line affairs with other women (I still don’t know if he’s out of the closet, he’s with a woman now). It wasn’t until the very end that I started seeing gay porn. He was a master manipulator, the things he was able to get me to believe and the lies I swallowed. Truly makes me wonder what happened to my brain, lol. Sheer desperation to hold onto the fantasy of my happy life.
- StrongerThanIKnew
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Re: Is it cheating?
Umm.... it is both creepy and cheating.
Don't let him tell you otherwise. I get it. They say it with such conviction and authority that you begin to question yourself. Well, don't. That feeling in your gut that tells you what he is doing isn't right.... Trust it.
Stay strong.
- walkbymyself
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Re: Is it cheating?
1. Yes, it's cheating. 2. It's lying.
Going forward, he doesn't get to decide what's cheating. You do.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.