Okay maybe I’m doing research for my book now.  I just googled wife killed after confronting gay husband.  Buried on second page I finally found ONE story.  The man (a novelist of all things). Storybook marriage, etc.  beat his wife to death in 2001 and tried to make it look like she fell down some stairs.  An on line male escort came out to testify against the husband.   He was found guilty of murder, but then was granted a new trial in 2017.  He then pleaded guilty to manslaughter. and was released with time served.  So she died and he did 16 years in jail.  Think I’ll go look for the documentary that was made on it “The Staircase” if anyone is interested.

Thanks Scrupulous for your statements.   Somehow I think this has been therapeutic today.  Something is just coming out of me, like this is a hidden secret.  And I want to say here and now , I am not anti anybody, like I said above (consenting adults, I don’t care).  I worked closely with and was friends with gay co workers.  No skin off my nose, honestly.   Just wondering, like an article on the main page talked about, where’s our parade ?   Where is our justice?   

I’ll admit it, I’m angry my XH is not in prison, he should be.  He got away with it, wow what is the sick sociopath getting away with now?  What is he still capable of doing in the future?  Not just to the new girlfriend, but possibly a gay lover?

Okay going to go look for that documentary.  I feel better, not sure where I’m going to go with this.  Maybe I’ll start that book.  Or maybe I’ll be able to start feeling happy again and go back to the business of living my new life.  Maybe I’ll just get back to being happy that I survived it and I’m alive.

Wow OOHC i can't even wrap my head around what you've been through! I'm sorry for all the pain you endured. 

4-Ever that's a very good and interesting question. I would really love to see the real numbers of deaths by GID's to keep them silent. I'm sure it's much larger than we can imagine. That's why it's important that we do not remain silent. And all should tell their story to at least a few just in case. 

As far as homophobia, I have gay friends and adore them. Whatever mistakes they made in the past, they are older, wiser and correcting them. The younger out and obvious fem men, are more like girlfriends and are the easiest to accept because of their realness.
None condone deception and it's the ones that decieve others that I can't tolerate. Wether they be gay, bi, freak or whatever, they have no right to entrap innocent people into their f'd up world. I make it a point to disclose my utter repulsion at this to any interested man just in case. This gives him a chance to exit gracefully in case he has these issues. It doesn't mean that I won't continue to treat him or others that have alternative lifestyles in a respectful manner (to their face that is lol), but I am very bold about my aversion to being a part of that lifestyle. I've had my share of couples, males and females that have hinted in a round about way that they swing both ways and have shown an interest and curiosity in me as to how I react.
I hint in a round about way that I'm going to throw up and change the conversation. Then find my own graceful way to exit with out gagging. 

Okay so I’ve finished watching the 10 hours of the documentary and have been doing more on-line research of the case.  Even though I got permission to start a new thread on it, I decided not to , as it just might end up being too political for this board and not trying to start a debate.  If you’ve been reading my story, you know why it interested me.  I think many of you would find  it interesting , just watching a real life professional liar, sociopath, etc on film.  And how the family stands by him.  It is very slanted towards making him look like the victim.

If you don’t have 10 hours to watch it or if you have. Read on

Spoiler Alert!

The first few episodes were very interesting.  My heart just breaks for the wife.  Very personal to me, that’s how I could have died.  Watching the husband reminds me so much of my XH.  They really try to down play his hidden gay life.  But ultimately he is convicted with that as the motive.  He and his brother try to claim the wife knew.  Bullcrap.  The fairytale marriage thing is exactly what everyone would have said about my marriage for the first 18 years

Personally having worked in a courtroom for many years, I started fast forwarding through some of the nonsense.  Just more interested in listening and watching him, as well as the families.  If you do watch it and find yourself fast forwarding (would not suggest it before episode 4 or 5)

Please make sure that you watch episode 7 about 20 minutes in.  One of the few really damaging things for the victims side.  Her sisters go to Duke University to read the suspects archives.  They read some chilling things that the husband wrote, presumably about himself.

The last episode is insane to hear him talk about his hidden life, how it started, how he hid it etc.  it’s also shocking at the end to hear the judge say in the future he would not have let in evidence about another women’s death and any of the gay stuff. As it was inflammatory. 

He spent 8 years in jail.  And 6 on house arrest.  He was granted a re trial, basically plead guilty and was released.    As I said, not trying to start any political debates on here.  I can join those on the Internet about this case.  There was so much evidence left out of the documentary.  I probably would not have mentioned it at all if I had realized how slanted it was.

I’m going to take a much needed rest.  I’m processing so much.  I want to reach out to the victims sister who has been called crazy and anti-gay.  One of the things left out of the documentary was evidence of choking.  After beating me, my XH was choking me when I shot him.  They showed pictures of the victim and my heart breaks.    Part of watching the documentary is filling me with gratitude that I am alive.  I am alive and have a voice.  How much I plan to use it in the future is left to be seen.

Thanks Mass, I will keep you in my prayers as well.  I know this process is newer for you.  I’m so happy you found this board and were willing to join (instead of lurk like I did lol).  It doesn’t matter that my story “is extreme”. We’re sisters in the fact that we believed in a lie (for both of us decades).  I hope watching the show gives you some comfort like it did me.  We don’t get to really know much about the victim, other then she had an important job.  So gotta assume she wasn’t dumb.  I don’t know why it gave me comfort.  I’ll definitely be interested to hear if you have similar responses (there were a few times I found myself yelling at the tv)

This too will pass, but you do have to do the work or it will certainly recurrently resurface. Do the work by yourself, but also with your new husband if he is willing. Look into a therapist who does EMDR or similar. 

Clearly everything you have experienced has altered who you are ... but esentially you are a survivor and always have been ... so you are still you. "It is said that circumstandes don't make the woman; they reveal her." You were always amazing! You were always a survivor! Clearly someone who cares about all those in her life.

When the trust and understanding that you believe to be reciprocal is broken, you take it to heart (just as I do). The loss is overwhelming. I currently can't fathom that some people actually think that "Oh he is gay, so clearly he had to act on it." WTF ... nope they made a promise to fedelity. They can actually honor their commitments and respectfully ask for a divorce. Clearly that is not the norm in too many of the SSN stories. 

Why is it so hard for your SD to believe what you are telling him? Sometimes generational morals and standards are hard to fight. If your X was someone he admired and trusted, he clearly doesn't want to believe that he could be so very wrong about him. He made a decision to believe in him a long time ago (it sounds like your X had all those "manly" qualities that he admired). SD may never be open to the truth ... how could he be so very wrong? Your X is clearly a well crafted con-artist.

My heart truly breaks for you. You've clearly had too many losses and trauma over the span of your life. Being a religious person myself, I believe that God knew you could handle all this ... even if we sit baffled on the otherside of the kneeler. You are still here today and will be tomorrow. Keeping your goal to move forward is the best that any of us can hope for. 

I am glad that this group has given you a release. We certainly all need that. God Bless.
Mas