Yes!!! You go girl! Re reading your posts I'm so glad that your not stuck into the denial stage they masterfully trap you in. Keep up the good work. You sound like a supersmart and super strong woman. I can imagine how many men out there that would love to have a woman like you in their lives. Like Kel, you saw through the BS and like her you will have someone much more deserving of you in time. Cheers and best wishes.
XOXO

In my humble opinion, the translation to the "I'm bisexual but will never act on this" statement, well, this equals..."I do not care if I am hurting you, this is all about me, seriously, you are not my everything, behind your back I am looking at men, working to fit into this newfound identity.  This is my excuse for never really being present with you, but instead looking past you and not fully appreciating your voice, your heart, your love or place in my life."  There comes a point, however, that this can no longer be about them, who they are attracted to, if they are with us or not, there comes a point to where we must take full responsibility for ourselves and our path forward.  I mean, look at how much time we are fretting over this issue...we are placing someone else's confusion under a microscope, looking for a truth that may always be on the other side of what is in view. 
One day I woke up, announced to my H (declaring that he owns his own baggage and that I was no longer carrying that weight for him) and decided to really get busy in therapy.  No more games, there is no time for games and time is so very precious to me...I deserve a good life filled with happy and that is what I'm aiming for. 
So here's the thing... I've changed.  I see my own value and I matter.  To be absolutely honest, I do NOT want a relationship with anyone right now.  I do not wish to fall into any sort of distraction away from finding myself.  I'm working on my self esteem, the why I have enabled just about everyone in my life to walk all over me and I'm trying new hobbies, I've adopted a new look and a new approach at everything.  Do you know what?  I've taken on the idea that I want to live today that makes yesterday jealous.  I'm working to erase an unhealthy pattern where I'm waiting for him to get his act together.  I'm done waiting, that limbo is no place to live. 
As for my H, this all goes so much deeper than an announcement on how he identifies.  I mean honestly, so what, right?  Big deal.  Bi is an excuse...a way to cast a shadow over a marriage that should reflect both people being in it at 100%.  That excuse gives them a way to play us and everyone who is effected by our relationship, including our children.  They have an excuse to check out, to be moody, make everything they do and say have a double meaning...or not...to have everything revolve around them.  That works to keep us off balance and to impose a net over us and our existence.  They fantasize while believing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when in the end, this has more to do with their inability to get real about life and to be connected to anyone.  The bottom line is that I am not into playing this game any longer.  This is my life too and like I said before, I matter.  That is how I see it and that is exactly what I think about the announcement on being bi.  I mean honestly, "good for you husband, but every word you say, doubt you cast, flirt you extend towards others, removes something important between us....the level of commitment I feel for you."  Once that is gone, once I no longer care, there is no turning back.  As a matter of fact, "thank you for this opportunity for me to take that information and use it towards sorting out what I want out of life."   

kel, duped, lynne, detour, scrupulous, 

Thank you all straight sisters, every time I read your posts, I get stronger and stronger. I also save $150 an hour with counseling sessions. It has now been 7 months since I discovered TGT. First few months I was in complete shock, then I kept trying to figure out how can I fix this. Then I realized I can't fix it. Some days I am OK, then other days, I am a complete mess, crying. Some days FEAR rules me, with all the "what ifs?" I want to STOP loving him and caring about him, but I can't but I think just maybe now I can love and care for myself more than him, so maybe that is progress. 

So this week I have an action plan, getting all the financial information I need and getting papers together. I am done with this marriage, I had planned to wait until after Xmas, but I need to start my life now, at 64 years, I don't have much time left. And I also have absolutely no interest in another man, or finding someone else. I now realize I will be OK alone. I have established new friends and interests. Doing volunteer work.  He acts like he has done nothing wrong, now that he is completely honest, he is "just bisexual, no big deal, I love you,  we have 44 years together I want to spend my life with you, we are a great team, what's so important about sex anyway, no one will ever love you as much as I do." I have to get him out of the house, I can't stand it any longer.......

Thanks so much for listening to me, I wish I could give you all a hug......

Violated

detour wrote:

In my humble opinion, the translation to the "I'm bisexual but will never act on this" statement, well, this equals..."I do not care if I am hurting you, this is all about me, seriously, you are not my everything, behind your back I am looking at men, working to fit into this newfound identity.  This is my excuse for never really being present with you, but instead looking past you and not fully appreciating your voice, your heart, your love or place in my life."  There comes a point, however, that this can no longer be about them, who they are attracted to, if they are with us or not, there comes a point to where we must take full responsibility for ourselves and our path forward.  I mean, look at how much time we are fretting over this issue...we are placing someone else's confusion under a microscope, looking for a truth that may always be on the other side of what is in view. 
One day I woke up, announced to my H (declaring that he owns his own baggage and that I was no longer carrying that weight for him) and decided to really get busy in therapy.  No more games, there is no time for games and time is so very precious to me...I deserve a good life filled with happy and that is what I'm aiming for. 
So here's the thing... I've changed.  I see my own value and I matter.  To be absolutely honest, I do NOT want a relationship with anyone right now.  I do not wish to fall into any sort of distraction away from finding myself.  I'm working on my self esteem, the why I have enabled just about everyone in my life to walk all over me and I'm trying new hobbies, I've adopted a new look and a new approach at everything.  Do you know what?  I've taken on the idea that I want to live today that makes yesterday jealous.  I'm working to erase an unhealthy pattern where I'm waiting for him to get his act together.  I'm done waiting, that limbo is no place to live. 
As for my H, this all goes so much deeper than an announcement on how he identifies.  I mean honestly, so what, right?  Big deal.  Bi is an excuse...a way to cast a shadow over a marriage that should reflect both people being in it at 100%.  That excuse gives them a way to play us and everyone who is effected by our relationship, including our children.  They have an excuse to check out, to be moody, make everything they do and say have a double meaning...or not...to have everything revolve around them.  That works to keep us off balance and to impose a net over us and our existence.  They fantasize while believing the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when in the end, this has more to do with their inability to get real about life and to be connected to anyone.  The bottom line is that I am not into playing this game any longer.  This is my life too and like I said before, I matter.  That is how I see it and that is exactly what I think about the announcement on being bi.  I mean honestly, "good for you husband, but every word you say, doubt you cast, flirt you extend towards others, removes something important between us....the level of commitment I feel for you."  Once that is gone, once I no longer care, there is no turning back.  As a matter of fact, "thank you for this opportunity for me to take that information and use it towards sorting out what I want out of life."   

Preach, sister!!!