Addie, I'm glad to be reading your post. Your situation sounds similar to mine. I am only in about week three of this horror show. I have spent hours sobbing. I feel like I am literally being torn apart down the middle of my chest. Everything is so surreal. I have no idea what the future will be. Except, I do know that neither of my children is in a place to hear their parents are breaking up right now. The reasons are too much to go into here, and don't matter. It is what it is and I don't need to hear people talk about kids' resiliency. They are not ready. In the meantime, my stbx and I will live in the same house in different rooms until our youngest graduates high school in 1.5 years. We will remain legally married until the finances can be worked out. I have asked him not to date while we live together. If he decides he wants to date, he'll have to move out...at his expense...that's the deal. In the meantime, I am doing what everyone says and working on myself. I need to get in shape and figure out what my hobbies used to be and find a counselor. So, I get all that. But, I have been taken aback on this site at how bitter some of the advice is. My husband has been my best friend since long before we were married. We are from a highly religious and conservative area where it was and is dangerous for him to be gay. I get that he had to suppress it and tried hard not to be what he is. I hate he had to do that. I really do. I know that he hates hurting me, and I know he wants to do this right. There is so much that sucks about this lie. But, I can't blame him like he did this intentionally to use me as a front. He truly was trying to suppress it. He believed his own lie, too. I can't hate him like so many are telling me I should. The way I see it is that for some reason he and I have to go through this shit storm, and I'm honestly glad that if it's something I have to do, that I'm doing it with him. He and I have been on this life's journey together for longer than the phase during which we've been married and had children. I think we're supposed to continue together into the next phase of divorcing and starting over. I'm hurt and mad and scared and lost. I will protect myself, and my children, and put myself first again. But, I'm not going to hate him. Not for this. It wasn't his fault. If my kind sensibilities are being taken advantage of, oh well. I'm taking one day at a time. I'm not going to hate.

(Disclaimer: this is today's opinion. Subject to change.)

I just recently found out my husband of 23 years is gay. Look you can live in regret and anger, but the way I look at it I couldve had a terribblemarriage to an abusive person. We had a good marriage up till a few years ago. I am focusing on the positive-it is the only way I can make it. 

addie, I initially didn't want to end my marriage -- I thought maybe I could manage a halfway marriage or something.  It didn't work for me; I was allowing myself to gradually acclimate to worse and worse discoveries (the whole "frog in boiling water" idea) and ultimately I made one discovery that was just the last straw.

Reeling posted " I have been taken aback on this site at how bitter some of the advice is. "  It's possible that I'm one of the people who seems to post bitter advice.  I don't actually disagree, and I have tried hard to modulate my tone, mostly because I remember how turned off I was when I first contacted SSN.  

It's almost been a year since my discovery.  I started out thinking I'd just separate but have some kind of "marriage of convenience".  Then as I discovered more and more about my husband's activities, my empathy turned to rage.  In part it was the drip, drip, drip of new and even more shocking revelation; but also when I would talk to him I started to realize how one-sided our marriage was.  He still doesn't really have the innate awareness of how much pain he's caused to me and to our daughter.  I went from thinking the problem in my marriage was sexual incompatibility -- to thinking it was adultery -- and ultimately I realized my husband was just a flat-out narcissistic liar who would never be trustworthy, and I can't continue to be married to him for that reason.

The fact that I went through this metamorphosis doesn't necessarily mean you will too -- time will tell, and we're all rooting for your success, however things work out for you.