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- Steve
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Never seen it *shifty eyes*
Not gonna comment just gonna leave this right.... HERE
"Scientists at the University of Montreal launched a search for men who had never looked at pornography - but couldn't find any."
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- devil's advocate
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Just to present another perspective..
What happens if you have a homosexual spouse who will not engage in any sexual contact with you? You have sexual urges that are hard to deal with, so you have some options:
1.) nothing.. be the good soldier and march on with zero satisfaction in this area
2.) porn
3.) strip clubs
4.) hookers
5.) affairs with co-workers or neighbors
6.) random craigslist hookups
What if you don't feel capable of the best of these options --> nothing.
Wouldn't porn be a significantly better option than any other on the list? Could it be a reasonably acceptable way to endure the lack of sexuality from your spouse? It's private (assuming a person is careful). It's anonymous. it's safe.
Not saying it's necessarily a good thing. But maybe for some people it's a reasonable alternative
Just a different perspective
- WendiT
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
My take on pornography is that I would rather do it than watch it.
However, devil's advocate, thank you for bringing up a very valid point.
Steve, thank you for posting the article. I think sometimes women forget that men are turned on by the visual. I also thought this finding was interesting as so many people come here wondering if Str8 men watch gay porn:
"The study found that men watched pornography that matched their own image of sexuality, and quickly discarded material they found offensive or distasteful."
"No matter how hard the journey may be, remember to be kind to yourself..."
- Kel
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Devil's advocate -
While I see your point, I'd propose another option that you didn't list: get out of the sexless relationship and into a good relationship. Deciding to stay in a marriage means that you're deciding to commit to the marriage despite it's issues. If you can't choose to stay and still forsake all others, then you need to leave and have your needs met.
That being said, yes - I believe pornography is the lesser of the evils presented.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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Thread Starter- Steve
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Some people tut-tut about porn... dare I say it... mostly women. (Yikes!... not a good start Steve) and to be completely honestly there IS some truly terrible porn out there. Horrible. Like... REALLY bad... and it deserves universal condemnation. But then there's also 'garden variety' porn that A LOT of men are watching and it does no harm whatsoever to their mental state, their attitude or their relationships. Where's my evidence for that? Well... I've got none.
As Devils Advocate posted above lots of straight spouses (male and female) end up in sexless marriages. Many fall back on porn for... well... relief. Which... as was also pointed out above... might be a lot better than other options eg prostitutes, cheating etc.
So... I guess I'm saying porn has a certain place (?). It fills a need for some people sometimes and I'm not sure we should be outright condemning something that does little if any harm*
OF COURSE if your guy is using porn instead of having sex with you there's a problem. OF COURSE if the content of the porn is violent or degrading or perverted or illegal there's a problem. OF COURSE if your 'straight' husband is watching gay porn there's a problem. But most guys are not watching that. I'd venture to say it's mostly harmless but hey... it's your relationship... your values... your beliefs. Hopefully with a bit of communication, honesty and understanding you'll figure it out.
All just my opinion folks 
* this is leaving aside harm done to porn actors most of whom choose to do what they do freely and earn a good living from it.
Last edited by Steve (September 7, 2016 7:32 pm)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Steve
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Porn: Good for us? The Scientist Magazine
Discusses porn and it's correlation to sex crimes including rape and sexual assault.
Of course we could all post opposing articles on this topic and really it comes down to your personal beliefs and the dynamics that exist in your relationship. Many couples simply don't have a problem with the use of porn, erotic novels etc. 'Fifty Shades of Grey' for example was mostly read by women. And here's a little secret for ya *whispers* (Women masturbate too)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Steve
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Kel wrote:
Devil's advocate -
While I see your point, I'd propose another option that you didn't list: get out of the sexless relationship and into a good relationship. Deciding to stay in a marriage means that you're deciding to commit to the marriage despite it's issues. If you can't choose to stay and still forsake all others, then you need to leave and have your needs met.
That being said, yes - I believe pornography is the lesser of the evils presented.
Kel
Kel... for some people divorce is a bigger sin than masturbation - even masturbation using porn. So to say 'if your marriage is sexless don't masturbate... get a divorce' is well... odd to me.
The gay thing aside I think masturbation might prevent a LOT of cheating and hold a LOT of sexless marriages together. Yes... even heterosexual marriages. People masturbate. It's just a fact. It's done for pleasure or it's done out of necessity. It just is what it is. I just don't see it as a big deal. (Which is why I've just posted about it 3 times in a few hours - DOH!!)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Kel
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
I wasn't saying that I viewed porn as a sin, nor was I saying that it was tied to masturbation. It often is, but the two aren't mutually exclusive. One can have masturbation without porn.
I think that in the case where the marriage already has no intimacy, I'm not sure that porn can do any further harm to the marriage in that regard. My argument was that porn is in no way helpful to a marriage. I see so many people here have to argue with their spouses (usually women arguing with their husbands) over whether their porn viewing is "normal", since it's viewing gay porn. But I'd say that if the porn your spouse is viewing is problematic for the other spouse in ANY way, it's a problem for the marriage. It's not a popular statement - especially with men. But I stand by it. It's seen as a normal thing nowadays, but it wasn't always. Until about 100 years ago, most men never saw a single naked woman in their lives except for their wives. It wasn't always seen as normal, or necessary.
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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Thread Starter- Steve
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Porn is a masturbatory aid and it's true... it didn't exist 100 years ago... at least not in the form of photography and video.
Vibrators didn't exist 100 years ago either. Not that they're the same thing but... I'm just sayin'... and it's always fun to drop the word 'vibrator' in this forum.
Last edited by Steve (September 8, 2016 4:03 pm)
You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up.
- Kel
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Re: Am I the only person on the planet who views porn as being bad???
Hey, heeeeeyyyy.... let's not get out of control here!!!! (Heh heh heh)
My gay ex wouldn't let me have a vibrator - said it made him feel inadequate. This from someone who wouldn't even touch me below the waist - even with his hands. (Gross!)
Meanwhile, my current husband's attitude about sex is that he's just happy to be allowed to be present. Ha ha!!!
Kel
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
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Thread Starter