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July 22, 2018 2:37 pm  #1

MOM non-MOM???

Hey guys, it was suggested that I write here because I am currently staying in my MOM (due to reasons of citizenship). I live out of the country and have currently applied for it and (hubby-in-denial (but just to me) has agreed to stay married to me until I obtain my citizenship).
However, we no longer live together, sleep together or love together. At times I get bamboozled and fall back into my 'fantasy world', but I do realize deep within my heart that this relationship just isn't gonna work. Though my heart wishes it would at times (who wouldn't after 14 years).
Yesterday was a bad day and today the dam broke and today I cried like a braying donkey. This morning I had to have one of my sweet rescue animals put to sleep. I had to dig a big hole and plant her in the vineyard, all alone. I cried .... a lot ....
Yesterday I went to the dentist with hubby. Hubby is their IT guy. I have always had some reservations about dentist. He is a great dentist, but there is just something not quite right, and an odd relationship there. My hygenist seems totally gay, he is getting married (to a very nice woman) next month. dentist is married with 5 kids (but there is a strange relationship there too).
Yesterday I arrived with hubby and the receptionist looked at me and said, "Oh ... we weren't expecting you ... there was a big "x" (or maybe "ex") over your name. The gay hygenist almost refused to clean my teeth ... eventually they fit me in. Hubby was very evasive the whole time and today called and asked if I wanted to talk. He noted that I was very 'sad' yesterday after the dentist and he hoped to 'distract' me (damn, that is what he has been doing the past 14 years!!!). My teeth ache today (they never ache after a cleaning) and the hygenist acted like a spurned lover during the whole thing. Initially he sent the receptionist to clean my teeth (the receptionist???), Then he finally arrived and started going off about how 'if it ever happens to him, then receptionist is going to have to stand by him and be his witness to xxxxx 'the woman he is marrying next month'....
Okay, I don't want to get into nitty gritty detail ....
I don't know where to write. Honestly I wonder if I need to be in the MOM section. I am here because I have to be in this marriage (at least officially) for at least another 1-2 years to secure my citizenship. Yes, I love him (and hate him at times), but no, I do not plan on spending the rest of my life with him. There have been too many lies. I feel betrayed. I feel that he robbed me of my life from 32-46. I don't think he will ever come out of his very transparent closet (at least not to his beard). I am simply biding my time to get my citizenship. So, am I in the right place, or do I need to change index?
Honestly, no negatives intended for pistacchio, but I feel like maybe I am letting the whole MOM section down after reading her posts. (Good for you pistacchio, it is just that I am definitely not where you are). I am rather filled with negativity for my current situation. Would it be better if I wrote somewhere else?
Cried rivers today ... love to you all,


July 22, 2018 3:37 pm  #2

Re: MOM non-MOM???

B-Strong wrote:

MoM-non-MoM....people putting labels on things should get a job in a canning factory!....not one relationship is the same as any other remember that....we should all do what is right for us

We all come to this forum in varying degrees of confusion, mistrust, heartache, anger.....and to find the niche we're comfortable in can take several attempts. Keep posting anywhere you feel you need to post. There's no one member directing traffic....

Tears are a good cleanser. I thought mine would never cease to be just behind my eyes waiting for a trigger.... but my tears, though still there at times, are now not my body's emotional first recourse

I've edited thi 3 times now...I'm in the kitchen baking and

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (July 22, 2018 4:20 pm)

** ...look pressure in the eye,  
walk towards it... **


July 23, 2018 6:08 pm  #3

Re: MOM non-MOM???

Oh, hugs, B-Strong!

If I were you, I'd get all that citizenship agreement stuff from your soon-to-be-ex in writing. I anticipate that my MOM will continue, but I'm still asking my husband to put everything in writing (as a post-nuptial agreement). You are doing the best you can in a crappy situation, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Are you seeing a good therapist? The stress you are under would crack anyone. And go ahead and post whatever you want, wherever you want! It's very important that all paths are honestly acknowledged and validated. I just wanted folks new to the idea of their MOM to have some hope to balance out the sad stories... yes, it's true, most MOMs dissolve, but some don't and I felt those types of MOMs should be represented here, as well. And it IS possible for a marriage to uncouple in a civilized, respectful way... but it takes a LOT of work, empathy, and patience... and sadly, if either partner is dishonest, then all you can do is take care of yourself the best you can.

And I think it's probably high time to find a new dentist, as well as setting up some clear boundaries to protect your heart and your peace of mind!


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