Roo wrote:

Why does this suck so bad? I reckon it's because you keep seeing yourself through his eyes. Start believing in yourself. You need a mind-shift, It doesn't matter what I do, everything I do is my fault. Don't be silly, everything is NOT your fault.  I'm tired of getting blamed for everything that happens around here. I try so hard to be the better person. Stop thinking you have to be  the better person. It's not working. Start doing things for you. Start seeing yourself as the deserving one. I can't even have an opinion anymore because no matter what I say, it's wrong. Stop soaking up his opinion of you, because it sounds like you're starting believe HIM. When things don't go HIS way, its my fault again. It's that mind-shift again. As soon as you feel like he's blaming you for something....think about it. Say to him "this is not MY fault" and walk away from the moment, the argument. I can't leave this relationship right now because of finances but I'm also at the point where I just don't care what happens to me anymore. You've got to care Roo, because when you stop caring about yourself...he wins I'm sad, depressed and broken. ​Yip, me too. But when I stopped putting my partner on his bread-winning "you're better than me" pedestal...that began the mind-shift for me. If there is a hell, I'm in it. This life sucks! Been there, done that. Hell does suck, it's a waste of time so YOU  have to turn it around. You. Step away from the heat, you'll just get burnt

 

Honestly Roo......get mad, get real, believe in yourself.

*hugs*
 

Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (July 8, 2018 2:15 pm)

I think there needs to be a clear understanding of the difference between disengaging from a narcissist yet still being married and living in the same house.  and not disengaging.

If you are not disengaging then you are hoping he will love you back or at least care a little and he is likely to be thinking oh good I can still manipulate her to get what I want.

If you engage in boundary setting you are playing a game where he will always be pushing to lower the bar and you are trying to stand up to him.

But if you are emotionally disengaged from him then you can look at him without the rose coloured glasses and see him as he is and respond to what is happening not be manipulated all the time.

Standing up to a bully is not about answering his challenges to you, it is about becoming dispassionate enough towards him not to bother with them.

Last edited by lily (July 8, 2018 9:57 pm)

Thank you all for your comments. 
For the past 8 years or more (and probably longer), there has been zero compassion. There is sex yes, but that's all it is ... just sex. But because I know what he has done, it's even worse.
We (mostly) have fun doing things together. We have a boat that we do a lot of offshore fishing with. Do I like it? Mostly. But it's because he likes it, I do it. It seems he never wants to do what I want to do. 
I just see no way out of this situation yet.