Great story Steve.  I just wish it didn't take so long to meet the girl at the birthday party but I'm glad you did!

Kathyd,

Don't be panicky because you are alone or single.  Alone is ok.
The panicky feeling is just leftover trauma. Don't think for a second you caused all your issues.
These spouses have a way of subtlely slowly over years making us think there is something wrong with us. It is not true.
  One of hardest things was learning how to live on my own again.  It really is so much better and sane then living with someone that a core level is really hurting you. You are worth so much more than you think or feel. More than he can possibly understand.

Keep building your suport system..know that you have one here also.  Support yourself with self compassion...do not beat yourself up with regret or negative thoughts..

A sincere ehug and prayer.

Steve, it is so good to hear from you and that you are doing well. As your post shows recovery is a process, it does take time and finding the right people along the way helps.

Kathyd, If your therapist does not seem to be helpful maybe it's time to look for a new one: someone to help you walk back from the edge in the present rather than focusing on how you got there. Texting your ex is a lifeline tethered to nothing so the sooner you can stop that the better for you.

This is just based on my experience but buy yourself flowers. Not bouquets but plants that make you happy. For me my goal was to be able to own a house of my own with room for a garden. Like Rob I had to push the ex who left me to file for divorce (better legally because of my move) but I had an attorney who knew that my biggest desire was security in retirement and helped negotiate a fair settlement.

Get a good therapist so you don't arrive at your lawyer's office an emotional wreck. They have separate roles and expertise. You said that the man you broke up with you met through a friend or relative so perhaps that person will let him know that you really aren't crazy but that you are dealing with an lot of stressful issues right now. As Steve's found life has a way of throwing the right people back into our lives.

Getting back to the garden, I have had one for four summers now and was out in it today until it got to hot and I came into my (air conditioned!) house. For me it's therapy. I am learning as I go along. Some ideas work out and some don't but something is always coming into bloom until frost and then there are house plants. There are life lessons in a garden: everything has its season and weeding and pruning are necessary.

Can I add put this at the bottom of my posts "Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded." ?

Thanks for the instructions. Let's see if I did it correctly.

Piper55 wrote:

This has been a beneficial thread to see everyone's progress and concerns. My wish for you, me...all of us, is to find that light in this world. Be it from a STRAIGHT mate or from loving ourselves back to the mental and physical health we deserve. Now for my update: I never had any proof that my GID soon-to-be-ex was cheating with men. All I heard were rumors. But I just knew. I knew it from the lack of passion, and the eyes-closed shut during all sexual encounters. I have been financially dependent on him for the last five years. I signed an unfair pre-nup which leaves me penniless. Since I officially left a few months ago, I've gotten no more "UTI infections." Maybe they were STD's? And the antibiotics worked? Anyway, I met someone in my city who I've begun dating. No sex (yet) but this man's kisses tell a whole different story that what it was like kissing my husband - who hated kissing. I feel as if I'm the only one on the forum who hasn't found any proof of TGT. I've checked phones, computers...nothing. This lack of real proof kept me going back to him after the love-bombing. Not anymore. Sometimes...rather often...we just "know" and ignore those feelings. Hugs to all. 

Piper: I assume you are talking to a lawyer right now, but one thing really struck me about your post: depending on the circumstances and/or your jurisdiction, your prenup might be invalidated if it was the result of fraud.  So you should ask your lawyer whether the prenup is invalid, if it turns out that at the time he knew he was gay and withheld that information from you.