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June 11, 2018 5:26 am  #1

I think my partner might prefer Women to Me/Men, I want to support her

I love my partner and care deeply for her.  She come from a different culture to me and one where if she came out as lesbian her parents would not take it well/be dismissive.  She has had emotional issues in the past before I knew her and they were dismissive and not supportive.
I feel becasue of this she might be repressing who she is for her family but it s beginning to affect our relationship.  I know I should maybe talk to her about it but if I am wrong I am worried I will destroy our relationship.  My suspicion are based on the following:

When we first go together she said that if she was not with me she would probably be with a girl just to see what it is like.

She does is artistic and follow a lot of aerial artists including pole dancers on instagram and watches a lot of their videos, she is always commenting how beautiful they are how amazing their bodies are etc...

We went to a show the other day a Cabaret, where couple of the female performers ended up naked, she got very excited and seemed to be enamoured by their bodies, more so than by the guys bodies (but maybe this is because she did not make me want to feel uncomfortable).

There are other things in out intimate life as well.  And whilst I can rationally explain all of the above as singular events as a group they are making me begin to wonder about her.

I love her and would support her whatever but I just don't want to hurt her but if she is I don't want her to repress who she is for me, or her family or anybody.  What has anyone else done in this situation?


June 11, 2018 10:13 am  #2

Re: I think my partner might prefer Women to Me/Men, I want to support her

I understand this is really confusing.  But have you asked yourself WHY you'd support her wanting sex with anyone other than you when you're in a committed relationship/marriage with her?  Why is that okay? If she wanted to have sex with other men, would you feel the need to support her?


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

June 12, 2018 8:06 pm  #3

Re: I think my partner might prefer Women to Me/Men, I want to support her

If you feel your relationship is deteriorating you might want to consider couples counseling first and see what direction that takes you. As many here can attest, if your spouse is not straight but also not ready to declare that, going straight to that question might be moving too fast and just result in a shutdown in communication. If you're wrong, you also damage your relationship. Sometimes it's necessary to move slowly and listen.

Be well.


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