Just joined. First post. Apologies in advance for the length/rambling.

Three months ago my husband walked out on me on our 10 year anniversary, two months after I lost my job. He spent the day secretly packing after telling me he didn't want to do anything to celebrate because he was having stomach issues. After eating dinner he blindsided me while I was working on my computer by launching into saying he couldn't do it anymore, he didn't feel like he could be himself around me and that I didn't listen to him. Oh, and it wasn't up for discussion but he'd pay for me to move near my family - 2000 miles away (I had/have no intention of moving). He was gone less than 10 minutes later.

He eventually moved his stuff out after making me divide stuff and trying to guilt me about him being "homeless" and made people think I kicked him out (we run in the same circles but he stopped talking to anybody I spend time with). While he moved his stuff out he told me that I picked the wrong guy even though he pursued me, he pushed for getting married, he would always talk about having kids, and even joked about hiding my birth control. Later he did a 360 based on what his friends' preferences were without even talking to me. He'd been gaslighting me about lots of things and if I called him out on it he told me I had trust issues. I kind of came to terms with him being an ass and a narcissist about a month ago but still struggle with caring for him.

Then, last night I'm out with friends and find out that people, that know me and my husband separately, are referring to him as "that guy that's trying to be gay" and that he's developed more effeminate speech patterns. I don't know how to take it because I'm more inclined to think it's his narcissism trying to get attention and sympathy. He has a tendency to go along with whatever is "chic" among his activist friends so I wouldn't be surprised if it was him just trying to fit in. I knew he watched straight porn sometimes, had very standard straight celebrity crushes (Scarlett Johansonn, Natalie Portman), used to go to strip clubs a lot and as far as I knew he was very promiscuous in his late teens/early 20s but it was all women so I didn't have any big red flags that he might be gay. Am I just in denial because I don't know the half of it? 

I know his dad cheated on his mom when he was like 5 years old and that turned into developing a hyper sensitivity to what is appropriate in a relationship (man takes care of woman, no cheating) and that he should be a "good man" and how he could only be monogamous but maybe he was just repressing his true self. I'm very independent and secure so gender expectations were never really a concern of mine. He would also say things like he would never do ecstasy because "it makes you gay" but his recreational drug use has increased a lot in the past few year and I only incidentally know that, he didn't tell me what was going on. I tried to get him to go to therapy for years and years for a myriad of reasons that were affecting our relationship but he thought he was smarter than therapists. Supposedly he's going to one now but who knows if that's true or not. Maybe he was just really, really repressed?