I hate being in limbo. I once had a counselor that told me to “sit in my shit awhile,” in other words, “ to pause.” That’s ok but I don’t want to get stuck. It can be just too overwhelming. But if I break it down , it helps. I am not ready to think about divorce, but I now think the next step is separation, we both need space. Together we don’t work right now. My H is going to counseling, I view that as a positive. I guess it is just one step at a time. I feel somewhat better that  something is happening, before I was too focus on the D word, should we divorce or not? Now I realize, I can pause on those big issues, but take baby steps, I just needed to do something.  You will get there, just take a baby step.

Wondering, 
 I so agree.  We all deserve someone who would be lost without us and wouldn't risk us for the world.  Those of us with spouses with differing sexual orientations to ours would feel freed up without us and would risk us.  I still am gobsmacked that my in denial stbx would rather have his fantasy of himself as a woman--one he doesn't even act on!--to flesh and blood me.  It's like preferring to watch a tv program (or hang out in with a virtual reality hood on) to actual life with a spouse who loves him.  It's no wonder I have felt more than once that it seems that he is just marking time in this world, rather than living.
  The closeted are truly disordered.

""We're all on our own individual timelines for this Roo. The saying "you have to go through it...to get through it" is the truest statement. 
I know my man is bisexual and even though he seems to have retreated to a position of acceptance that he'll have to stuff any bisexual feelings down to make our r'ship work.....I know he's resentful. And because he's reserved, can be non-communicative, and must have all this unresolved & secretive crap ricocheting about in his head....I can never quite believe anything he tells me.....I've gotta sign off.!!...I'll continue this later *hugs* ""
Continued...
Like most things...any new situation takes time to get your head around. Now I don't know you Roo but I would think for you to look for & find this site, and then be comfortable enough to tell your story knowing you're in a place where we all know what you're going through....that you have a strength that will see you through any decisions you make. 

I have found I've had to accept that my life will NEVER be the same again ...so instead of pining for the past I'm now living in the present and only rarely looking to the future. I opened the door of the closet when I refused to keep his secret to myself, and let a few select people know what I'm going through. I wish I had some close friends living in the same city as me...but I don't. I wish I had enough money to hire a good PI, and maybe get concrete proof he's got better at being secretive....but I don't. Most of all I wish I was a different person with a different attitude to living, loving and lies....but I'm not. 

So.....for the meantime I'm okay living in Limbo, waiting.
 

Last edited by Ellexoh (April 15, 2018 7:49 pm)

walkbymyself wrote:

I hate to say it, but I think a lot of our spouses are just hiding behind the "bisexual" label.  They're not bi.  They're gay.  Bisexuality is not an excuse to cheat on your spouse.  Roo, what really struck me in your post is that you say your husband is being incredibly nice to you right now.  My husband is doing the same thing.  I have no answers, but I have a lot of the same questions.

Yip....A.  may very well be more gay than bi but at the moment this is not a topic I can bring up. It leads to the space between us filling with a tension I can't focus on. Right now I'm trying to shore up my own walls, not his. But when it is time to ask questions...I will ask them. 

Last edited by Ellexoh (April 17, 2018 2:24 pm)