Hi Lily,
I should have been clearer regarding my SSA statement. I'm with you on the attraction scale:
Zero for women.
The attraction I was referring to comes in many forms. Not just sexual. We as humans are attracted to people for a varity of reasons; wit, wisdom, power, love they show others...even their looks may draw us in a way that is nonsexual but can be mysteriously alluring somehow; (e.g that 90 year old woman with the beautiful blue eyes full of stories you'd love to hear.)
As for sexual; It is possible for a sexual attraction to occur amoung very young children playing (doctor) i.e touching each other out of curiosity. It doesn't mean they end up gay and most don't but while their minds are developing so are sexual curiosities of the body part of the other person rather than the actual person.

However and unfortunately, I notice a lot of people using this as an excuse for disgusting adult behaviour.. "I've known I was Bi since age three". BS! No one knows what they are at three.

Anyway, I've also been in very uncomfortable situations where this so called 'play' was carrried on throughout life and dismissed as harmless fun and the norm. One year at summer camp brings on a gag reflex as I recall two girls in my cabin that decided to rehearse kissing with each other as practice for a boy. I and most of the other girls were grossed out. I left the room and gave a moral speech to the girls that followed me out. A couple of the girls admitted it was kind of sexy and may have joined in. I don't know for sure as I asked to change cabins and was seen as a prude before I'd develop boobs.
Fast forward to college dorms...drug parties...
I stayed the so called 'prude' and have no reason prove to anyone or 'experience' with something I have no desire for and that actually disgust me. 
Yep I'm a prude alright...(according to the morally bankrupted souls that forgot what it's really all about.)
According to the normal straight males in my past. As one said, 'he found Nirvana' 
The best way to F up your sex life is to F up the natural god given flow and go against the grain of the normal chemistry of the opposite sex. 
Yeah I get the fact that some are born that way but I call most of it BS and too many stupid ass men that injected themselves with some crack like taboo that's doomed them.

F' them. Nirvana has left them and shall never return. Save ourselves and paradise for the deserving ones.
That is if there are any left. Once I learn a guy has in the past or desires to be with other men then I'm history. 
If it's the end of the world for my 'partnered' sex life then so be it. I'd rather go without and name my middle finger 'Nirvana'
 

Hi Scrupulous,

I had the girls kissing in the dorm thing.  I didn't feel grossed out, it just wasn't for me.  I don't feel grossed out by gay people, they can have as much sex as they like and it doesn't bother me.  But I was increasingly bothered by my ex touching me even before I knew he was gay.  It was in my gut.

Once I found out he was gay the dam broke and I was overwhelmed with disgust.  for three weeks the only way I got through the day was to have hour long showers.  I would just stand there with the water falling on my head and running over my skin and that was just enough so i could breathe.  At one point I remember getting out of the shower and drying off I was going for the verandah edge because I felt like I was going to vomit but then I started crying instead.  And things got better from there.

Eventually I got back to normal but all I have to do is think about my ex and I feel so grossed out, he looks worse in retrospect, not better.  Sometimes it's reading our stories here - the disgusting way these closeted heroes treat their spouse, their lack of regard.  so no I don't suppose I will live along enough to get over TGT.  But I am grateful to myself, even at the toughest moments that I am no longer living with the ex.

I stayed way too long in that marriage.  When he felt he didn't have to charm me into staying any more it got a lot worse.  Then I started putting a little signature on every garden pot I made - a worm in the act of turning.  It made me smile.  

I turned the tables on him eventually.  

I hadn't known about Freud and Jung being gay.  I think that rather corroborates my feel that modern psychology is expecting us to be a certain way we just aren't.  My ex really did feel special.  He felt like he was a special person the way he felt, the way he could be.  Well sure.  I have no wish to stop bisexuals being who they are, I like the company of gay people, but please, don't expect it of me.  I like being me.

Last edited by lily (April 24, 2018 3:35 pm)

Wondering89 wrote:

Personally I don’t care if your gay or a tranny... just don’t hurt people...

I question my hole life now.... how can a gay man be attracted to a woman and chase her and be romantic.
I don’t get how they have sex... how they can build a life with someone they arent attracted to romantically.

It’s weird for me thinking about all these things..

This is exactly how I feel.