Pardon the long post, but it's been a horrific last few days, What a chain of events since my last post. 
My husband & I were never ones to fight during our marriage. I can count on one hand how many times we did. That I see now was a result of him avoiding conflict and I feeling insecure. I am struggling to deal with the anger inside of me that wants to believe he is a selfish, self-absorbed man who believes he has freed himself to live a life he suppressed all of these years. In a recent conversation with him and my counselor & then our children, he was very forthcoming in his desire to be with a man completely and that he did not feel I deserved anything less than a man that could give himself to me completely. He continually tries to speak for me, which is his own guilt talking. Perhaps its a coping mechanism to deal with his own guilt. I can't even trust it's really about what he feels I deserve. His lies he has told me repeatedly over the years now scorch me like a blazing fire deep inside my heart. He even admitted that there are many people for whom he came out to at work nearly 10 years ago...i was shocked & am humiliated to know that these people know me & question what they must think of the dumb blonde who didn't know their husband was gay.
After admitting to ourselves that there would be no reconciliation of our marriage last Thursday at a counseling visit, we agreed to at least reconcile a friendship. The counselor said that it was evident we both loved one another by our emotions spent during the visit. She said it was necessary to be there for one another in the initial stage while recovering from the emotions that may overcome us. I asked my husband as a friend if he would move in with me for a week or two...to help console me during the expected emotional breakdowns and help him with attaining the right resources for support moving forward. He agreed without coercion  however that one & only evening apparently bothered him so much, that he was unable to work the following day & got drunk. I had no idea how anxious he was that day as he did not convey anything was wrong when i texted him during the day. 
He again, as he has always done, hid behind his feelings & didn't tell me how he was feeling. Instead told my daughter he intended on leaving that very next evening...and so it began, putting my daughter & everyone she told,
in a panic that I would revisit that "DARK" place that caused me to question if it was worth living just weeks before. WHY CAN'T HE JUST BE HONEST WITH ME???? I really question whether he doesn't know what he wants himself. I wish he would just let me go...not continue to say & do things that give me that glimmer of hope that he will want me back again. 
Not knowing we both had made a decision that staying under the same roof would not be in either of our best interests on Friday, my husband left work due to anxiety & got drunk. When I called him to tell  him I needed to talk to him (to tell him I realized that by asking him to stay was wrong & to tell him not to involve our children in what should be OUR conversations), he drove to the house & arrived drunk & angry. So irate  that he was physical to push me twice when I attempted to stop him from leaving to drive, not to mention the very HARSH words he said to me. "I've been jumping through hoops for you; I'm done; How dare I tell him not to talk to his kids".
After meeting with him the following day with my children to discuss how his poor judgement to drink & drive under such conditions must never happen, as none of us could ever live with his death should that result, it hit me....Our relationship as I knew it  was definitely over"and the hopes to maintain a good friendship was definitely questioned, having heard his true feelings while under the influence the night before. I thought I had experienced pain in the beginning....The pain that I suffered that evening was 10 fold. NEVER in my life had I cried so much or as hard as I did that night. Even a full mg of xanax could not calm the emotions pouring out of me. 
Now I remain angry. Angry why he could tell others & not me. He even told our eldest daughter (she came out when she was 12), that he was gay without my knowledge. I think as her parent there should have been consideration to include me. He continues to try to speak with her as if she can relate being gay herself. Difference is, she was honest with herself & us from the beginning. She didn't take the cowardly route my husband took...one that ultimately has left me in pieces that I don't know how to put back together. 
Ironic Phoenix, that your response with regards to not overwhelming myself was just told to me by my sister today, whom I cried to in desperation for answers to make my pain just go away. As much as living in the home my husband & I built & spent many hours to make our own is reminding me of him, I must allow myself time to heal from these intense wounds before being consumed on getting it ready to sell. 
Thank you all for your support & guidance. I hope to one day give back in the future to those who are in the same place as I am today...Deeply saddened & uncertain as to what my future holds. Goodbye for now.
                

Great reply Phoenix.

Uncertain..  your one sentence before the arguement;  ". I asked my husband as a friend if he would move in with me for a week or two...to help console me during the expected emotional breakdowns.."   is something, as you saw,  they cannot do anymore.     They cannot be both tyrant and counselor  or , in your case,  both friend and abuser/hurter.     It hit me one day as I was texting my GX  and I realized I was sending texts to the person that was hurting me...and she in a sick and morally despicable way was trying to play both abuser and comforter..    Its like texting the murderer of your child for comfort.

We will never know how they can hurt us so much and sleep at night.. yours seems to have some shame/guilt   ...mine had none which made her evil and scary...    but ..they cannot stop or change.   The best we can do is get away...I think you can see that now..     Please take care of your self and kid and practice no contact..   yes  he can have contact with the kid but not you.. You need to protect yourself from the hurt he is so capable of inflicting on you without effort or thought.     You need to be sane and stable for your kid and if that means jettisoning him than that is what you must do..     I commend you for the counseling and trying to fix or keep things together...but I think you saw when one person does not want the marriage   the other cannot hold it together.. these spouses have a rationality or morality  that defies rational logic and pure love from us.    Cry, mourn,   but  do what needs to be done for yourself and kid.

Wishing you strength, fortitude, and stoicism ...

Cindy, I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. I have found comfort in reading the posts on this site. There is so much support from those just like us...those who have had our hearts broken by a spouse who kept a deep dark secret from us. It certainly isn't fair. Despite differences in paths we take, we all share a common bond. Our hearts have been broken by someone we loved and for some of us, that spouse continues to love us, which can make moving forward difficult. Hang in there. Continue to seek support from this website. We are here for you.
As for me. Every day gets a little better, now that I'm not talking to JS. (Phoenix says to think of him as my ex-husband). I can't move on with him while in this emotional state. I kept moving backwards. I'm blessed to have financial security, a home, a job and a great support of family & friends. It has just taken me a while to start believing in my inner strength to see past what I have lost & what I have to gain from this. As Phoenix said in a way that resonates with me on a daily basis, we all need to just get past those dark clouds. Where there is sunshine & calm waters. It is there we will find peace. 
Uncertain5102