If you have not already done so I strongly recommend that you consult an attorney about the separation and divorce laws where you live so that you do not do anything that could jeopardize your position in the future. Knowledge is power.
 

greyhound gal wrote:

I am in a similar position. Married for nearly 27 years. I am 51. Husband is moving out on Friday. I discovered porn on his iPad in October. He tried to make excuses and cover it up but I refused to let it go. I had found things before but he said he was just curious but this time I knew it was a lie. I often wonder what I've started. The trauma is like nothing I have ever experienced and I feel so alone and frightened. Keep posting on here-its good to know we are not alone xx

This.  I felt so, so alone.

Cindy, can I ask how you found out?

Abby, I know most in my position would consult an attorney and maybe I am a fool for not doing so. But I seriously would want no more than my fair share. We are open about the finances, he even just checked in with me about buying equipment for his boat. My feeling was it is his bonus money, he can spend it as he chooses. If we decide to divorce, I think we can do so amicable. He has already taken so much from me.....all my dreams, all my security.....my trust

I have my own money and he has his own money......I will be OK, I will not be retiring as I had hoped, but I am thankful I am healthy and have a job. I have always worked, Thank goodness, I did not depend on him financially. 

We never fought about money, in fact we never fought about anything. 



 

i feel your pain with still loving him. I am currently experiencing the same. My husband & I, only as of yesterday, realize that we can no longer stay married as man & wife, as my husband of 30 years, is & has always longed for a relationship with a man...not just sex. the whole package. I obviously can't give that to him. We still have a deep love for one another. my counselor, who met both of us for the 1st time yesterday, feel that we need to support one another during this very painful & vulnerable time. He has returned home from a short stay with a new male relationship, followed by a hotel stay for 5 days at my request, staying in the spare bedroom so i could have my best friend nearby if i needed him in the next 2 weeks of what i believe will be a VERY painful  FINAL physical separation.from him. Having been married for such a long time like yourself, despite the honesty that has been conveyed by your spouse, i suggest you get a full STD panel done. I have done so & tested negative. i wish for you & people like ourselves, the strength it will take to move forward.
As to seeing a lawyer, i have already sought one to write up a marriage agreement, which stipulates all he is telling me now...he wants nothing (money, belongings, home or furnishings). He says he doesn't deserve anything...wants the memories only. i trust he means what he says & have told him so, however i cannot trust  his future relationships as they may manipulate him into seeking out what he is legally entitled to, which i believe i am entitled to more, having come into this marriage with a home, contributing more to my 401K & having made more $ than he did. You may want to at least get a consultation. you deserve your financial future without interference from someone other than your spouse who may be greedy.   

Last edited by Uncertain5102 (April 6, 2018 4:18 am)

Uncertain, I feel your pain and understand the love you have for your husband. I try everyday to be understanding of my H. I feel he is a tormented soul regarding his sexuality. I feel as though my husband prefers sex with a man but perhaps prefers a relationship with a woman. As weird as that sounds. I question at times if he needs me as his cover more than he really loves me? 

If we choose to divorce, I guess I will know then how much he really loves me, if he wants me to be happy. I want so much to keep my home, because of my grandkids, they love to come to my FL home, and my son may need a place to stay. I have the hardest time putting myself first, because I always thought of him, first. I am still the keeper of "his Secret", and always will be. He is always so concerned about his image, he will never be his authentic self. I know w/o a doubt, my husband will be fine, if we divorce. He will be able to move on very quickly, w/i 6-12 months he will have another woman, another cover. He is a very likable person, it is so sad, he doesn't realize that his friends and family would still love him regardless of his sexuality. Oh well, those are his issues, not mine. Again, I have to stop focusing on him. 

Rob, I am so sorry your GX is so unkind to you. In your situation, I can understand why you need a lawyer. Let your lawyer handle your headaches for you, step back and take care of you. That is what I am trying to do, not focus on my losses, but what I need to do to take care of me.

I am still in shock, 43 years of marriage, I hope it all wasn't a fraud.....

Always, cindy